The Wedding Diaries: Lead by Example

The Wedding Diaries: Lead by Example

So I’m wondering about marriage in general.  I don’t exactly come from a family that is known for staying married.  Matter of fact, I can honestly say that both of my parents have been married multiple times and have failed at it. When people don’t stay together and you are a child you wonder all sorts of things.  Was the reason for them not working out my fault? What could I have done better?  All these questions remain unanswered as a child.  But then as 1 Corinthians 13:11 states.

“When I was a child I spake as a child, I thought as a child and I understood as a child.  When I became a man I put away childish things.”

It’s funny how as an adult you don’t ask those same longing questions.  You see what is there right in front of your eyes. I watched divorce twice already and I’ll watch it again.   The first time I was three and even though I was only three, it did not take a genius to figure out that my father was not coming with us. On my mother’s word; it’s entirely his fault.  Men are just always fire starters and they don’t think about who would gets burned. All of it was meaningless jabber to me at three.  When I was 15 my father was at his second divorce and even then the wicked lady stated that it was his entire fault.  At 15 I had more sense.  Problems don’t just come from one person; it takes two to cause a problem. So the "all his fault not mine" excuse started to be primitive bullshit.

Now the third one, I thought that I liked her. I actually saw the remnants of some sort of family.  Then came the accusations and the comments about me being fat and ungrateful. The final straw was watching the total discontent that she had for my father in front of his children. If married people disagree it should be behind closed doors, no one should be able to see that you have a problem.

Adult figures have been telling me my whole life to have respect for my elders, say please and thank you. How am I to learn all these things when I see these so called "adults" in my life behaving badly? You tell us to be one way but yet you are hypocritical. I would never teach my children that.

One of the things that I hope that I take into my marriage is to be able to talk about my problems with L openly. Watching that bitch fest this past weekend awakened something in me.  I know that sometimes I complain and sometimes I want things to be perfect.  On the way home I had to apologize to my fiancée because I don’t ever want to be that way. I don’t want to be a person that marries multiple times. I only want to do this once and hopefully God will bless my marriage to where I will not have to.

Well these are the dull musings of my wandering mind.  Comment if you want. Be blessed.

~Original Lynn~    

The First Amendment

When I think of the first amendment I think of freedom of speech, which means I’m going to evoke my right to speak freely and there are going to be some hurt feelings somewhere, but that will pass. People are saying that there is to be a vote tomorrow on the legalization of gay marriages. And I hear all of the bullshit and all of the complaining.   People want to get snobby and turn their noses up.  Some even want to throw religion into the mix as to what God ordained as right and wrong.  Personally, I’m sick of all the talk about how there is a right side or a wrong one.  Then again, who is to really judge what is right or wrong anymore?

I’m tired of all the stupidity that is out there, after all gayness is not an illness that can just rub off on you at anytime.  I’m not completely sure how one determines the formula on who’s gay or not, but who cares? I’m not gay, because that is what I chose for me. However, I have loads of friends who are, and I don’t understand why that should be censored, why it should matter.  People come up with these stupid reasons as to why they think that being gay is not acceptable, what do I have to say to those people besides, they just can’t see things the way that they are, and they would rather let the sanctuary of their own ignorance come crashing down around them instead of learning something.  Why, because they don’t know any better; then how do we choose what side is right?

The answer is we don’t. Since the beginning of time there have always been two sides. People are always going to be on opposite sides. Because in the world that we live in people think that things are always black and white, and hardly ever pay attention to the gray areas in between.  Yes people think that gays should not be able to marry, but that is stupid.  What if America as we know it was not allowed to enter into marriage at all.  Marriage is really that special, aside from the vast amounts of money we spend on a ceremony, it’s all about the principle of being able to stand before the gods and everyone to admit your deepest feelings to someone.  I wouldn’t want to be a part of a world that segregates love. In my eyes soul mates are not just a man and a woman.  Soul mates can be anyone; any gender.

Oh, I’m sure that all those sanctimonious Christians out there are outraged. But then one must ask; How dare you really sit there on your pedestal and say that you are an authority on the bible when you skim through it like it’s an unwanted school novel?  You don’t have to like everyone, but you have to love them. Judge not for ye not be judged.  (I’m pretty sure a lot of you missed out on that one, maybe the print in your bible was not big enough.) What if the shoe were on the other foot, what if being straight was known as being odd and being gay was the status quo? What if the government was voting on if straight people could marry, would you see things differently?  No, they cannot. The majority of the world can’t allow themselves to think that way.  These days an open mind is a novelty, people lack imagination and the possibility of new things happening.

So I guess in closing I can say is yes, people are overly judgmental; they don’t stop to look at all the possibilities and only focusing on the one. Who is to say that what we all believe is right?  My views that gay people should be able to be looked at as normal people might not be what someone else believes, and that’s fine.  Instead of us fighting about who was wrong and who was right, or trying to get each other to understand the other side. If we survived the Holocaust and slavery, can’t we survive this too, and become better people going forward?

Just a thought.

The Wedding Diaries: The Road to becoming Mrs. Jeter Jr.

So I’m back after a one month hiatus.  A lot of people think that I’ve fallen off, but I’m still here.  I have to take the time to blog about one of the top ten moments of my life.  I’m ENGAGED!!!!! There are a lot of feelings going through my head right now.  It’s like I remember telling L a long time ago that I didn’t think that this moment would ever happen.  He would sit there with that handsome smirk on his face that he always gets and say:

“I’m not gonna be obvious about it, it will happen when you least expect it.”

As far back as I can remember, when I was five I used to play out what it would be like to be proposed to.  I know five seems like a crazy age to think about things like that, but I had a wild imagination.  I adored the thought of a man and a woman in the terms of forever.  All those stories Pride and Prejudice, Emma, and Anne of Green Gables all amused me as a child.  There was something about the heroine finding the one that she was suppose to be with that is so appealing.

I love romantic gestures, I love flowers and love that I I’ve finally found that one person in the world who wants me for me.  The thing that i am dealing with a lot now are people coming out of the wood work that haven’t really been considered my friends in a long time or didn’t give a damn about my relationship, with their fake congratulations.  I laugh out loud because I wonder why the hell you would even do that to yourself.  I have lots of people tell me that L and I were doomed from the start. But I find myself really proud, because I grew up, I figured out what I wanted and all the gloom and doomers can all kick rocks.

I guess the biggest concern is my family.  People laugh when I tell them that sometimes I don’t like them on a good day.  As far back as I could remember my family didn’t really care about any of the aspects of my life.  Why do I think that this is going to be any different?  They all say that they are excited that I’m marrying into a great family.  Maybe that’s how it’s supposed to be; when I marry I leave everything else behind, all the naysayers, and the bullshit.  Because as long as I’ve waited for this moment, I don’t know how to really include people who have dropped out of my life or never been there or really cared.  People tell me to be the bigger person all the time, and usually I am.  I’m always saying sorry to people who did me some sort of wrong instead of the other way around.  I’m done apologizing; I’m done trying to get you to be the type of people that I want in my life.

So if you have a feeling that I am talking about you, and you know you’ve fallen off.  Do me a favor and don’t dishonor me with a fake ass apology that you know that you don’t even mean just so you can have a change at being in my spot light, because for once it is about me. I know that a lot of times that I have put myself last, but now I feel like this is my reward for doing that all these years.

My heart literally stopped when the waiter brought the ring to the table.  I was incapable of forming words or phrases rendering myself completely speechless for the first time in my life.  It seems so surreal to me. Like this is all a beautiful dream and I’m going to wake up soon. But every morning that I have woken up this week and stare at the gorgeous reminder on my hand that it all did happen, I find myself smiling uncontrollably.  So to all of you, who have been sitting in the front row that is the stage of my life and are really happy for me, thank you.  For those of you who I have not talked to or chilled within years or you haven’t thought about me stop embarrassing yourself.

I think the next couple of blogs are going to be called the wedding diaries, a full account of all the madness and chaos that I’m about to get into on the road to becoming Mrs. Lewis Jeter Jr.

Be blessed all.

The End of the World

The End of the World

“Some say the world will end in fire, and some say in ice.”

~Robert Frost ~

I know he was talking about relationships when he wrote this, but it also applies to the whole end of the world theory.  Ever since 2012 started all I hear is how the world is supposed to end and we all are supposed to suffer horrible fates.  Then I shake my head at the stupidity, because if people really knew the world was already going to hell in a hand basket.  I don’t understand why we have to set a date for mankind to completely lose its way, when it took a wrong turn years ago.  I don’t think that people really grasp how much our world has changed.

There was once a time that we were able to sleep in our homes and leave the doors unlocked. We knew absolutely everyone in our neighborhoods and never once had to question their integrity or intentions. We were trusting, we actually gave a damn, we cared about other people and we always wanted to help.  Way before alarm systems, pepper spray, and tasers became necessary precautions; we trusted easy.  Now we eye everyone with suspiciousness, always waiting for the other shoe to drop.  We see someone stuck on the side of the road and instead of stopping; we keep it moving, because we think know a set up when we see one.

People don’t care these days, why because caring could get you killed.  People have no fear.  They aren’t afraid to hurt you and they are not afraid to take your life.  The news proves that to us every day when we see some young mother going to jail for doing only God knows what to her kids, or kids killing their parents because they want to do what they want to do.  It makes no sense, when exactly did we take this wrong turn?

When did people stop caring, when did hello’s and good byes start becoming rhetorical phrases? When did the rapping become a money thing instead of an artistic form of expression? When did the first line of an album’s thanks you’s stop being “I’d like to thank the creator “to “I’d like to thank myself.”?  People kill me when they say that they got somewhere on their own when there is a higher power at work somewhere.  Stop claiming the “team of me” and focus on how it really is that you became this extraordinary.

When did the world come to an end?  Since the very beginning we’ve been crumbling in the tower of our existence. There is no expiration date on our demise.  There’s no rewind button or a switch that we can flick.  So the next time someone says that the world is coming to an end, ask them where the hell have they been this entire time, it's already here. 

Relationships: The Impact of Religious Beliefs

Relationships :  The Impact of Religious Beliefs

One of the biggest things that I see people tip toe around in relationships is religion.  There are a lot of inter racial couples out there and so many different types of religions;  but like in relationships religion is like the elephant in the room.  No one wants to talk about it; it’s a topic that no one wants to speak of, like Voldemort’s name.  People now days are scared of getting involved in a person’s religion, because with every religion there are different sets of rules and how do you know if you are breaking them.  People say that that it is better to find someone who shares the same religion, that it’s so much easier if you believe in the same things.  However, it does not always turn out that way.  Even if you do have someone that claims to have the same faith as you, but how the hell do you believe in anything when you can’t even embrace it in a place of worship?

Statistically speaking more than 90 percent of American men say that they believe in god, five out of six of those men call themselves Christians, out of that six only two really go to church on a Sunday, according to cbn.com/spirituallife.   Now, I’m not a prophet or someone of bible authority, but I would agree that you don’t really see a lot of couples that to do regularly attend church. One would say that men don’t like going because church just so happens to cut into Sunday football.  Maybe there is something more to it, something that we are all not seeing.  I believe in God and the bible, but as of lately I find myself not going to church on Sundays.  Part of it would be because I’m so tired and that I use Sundays as my day of rest.  An overly religious person would most likely have the rebuttal of “well God doesn’t get to take a day off on you, what makes you think that you deserve a day off?”   Truth be told, I don’t have a valid answer for that.  

On the relationship tip of it, the bible does encourage religion to be a huge factor in choosing someone to be with forever.  Back in the olden days when men used to court women, it was imperative that a man agree with the woman’s father in politics and her mother in religion. In today’s world religion is like a forgotten art to most people. One source claimed church as being a woman thing.  That to me sounds dumb.  If church is a woman thing, then having a job, paying bills and fixing cars are just a man’s thing, right? Wrong.  People kill me with that, after all women and men are suppose to be equals in every since of the word.  How does someone truly find that special someone if they don’t have a relationship with a higher power?  The average man accepts the reality of Jesus, but fails to see any value in attending church service every Sunday.  Tyler Perry paints a picture of the ideal man in all of his movies.  The woman in the movie is basically jilted and left to fend for herself, believing that there are no good men left out there.  Then out of the blue comes this tragic hero who embraces the reality of god and going to church and they live happily ever after.  But it’s the movies.  Life is not really painted out to be that way.

Then I guess the other question is what keeps a person from really trying to define their relationship with god?  Some people go to church to find someone.  Remember the movie “Two Can Play that Game”, starring Vivica Foxx and Morris Chestnut, which was basically a comical battle of the sexes.  There was a line that said that all the players go to church, why because all the freaks go to church.  He would be correct, because how many of us go to the club the night before and show up at church the next morning?  My point that I’m trying to make is that all relationships are built on some sort of foundation, if religion (any religion)is not a part of it, then what is it that you really believe in?  People need something to believe in. This is not a matter of if my god or your god is right, just the fact that if you and I both can acknowledge that there is a greater power at work in all aspects of our lives then that would be something for us to build on.  I myself could not love someone who didn’t believe in anything.  As we see that the numbers of people who have a firm grasp on religion are dwindling in a downward spiral it makes me wonder, what can we do to make sure that we bring religion or the concept of believing in something back into relationships?  It makes me sad to see lost people; if you don’t have your faith or beliefs in anything then I guess that pretty much makes you an incomplete person.   So the one thing I want you all to take into the New Year is to build a firm foundation with the person that you love.  Believe in something, anything; don’t let a person walk away from you just because you weren’t spiritually prepared.  Then again maybe we all need to try a little harder to work on us and what it is we really believe in.   Until next year.

~Peace Be With You ~

                                                                                    

Relationships & Money: The New Age Pride Prejudice

So I am wondering why is it that money makes things so complicated.  Back in the earlier days woman were married off to men who came from wealthy families, because they themselves were not in a station in life that would allow them or their parents to live comfortably.  It’s really sad that back then parents pimped their daughters out to the highest bidder not caring if love was really a part of the equation.  I had another epiphany while watching one of my favorite movies, Pride and Prejudice.  For those who never had the pleasure of reading one of the best literary works that Jane Austin ever pinned, allow me to summarize.  Enter the Bennett’s, a lower class family consisting of five daughters and a mother who was an exhibitionist when it came to making sure that her daughters were noticed by the right people.  Then on the other hand you have Mr. Bingley and Mr. Darcy who were rich beyond measure in both land and looks.  All those things caught Mrs. Bennett’s eye, because she wanted her daughters to be rescued from the obscurity and destitution into the comfort that the lap of luxury offers.  How does this fit into modern day romance you may ask?

 Well, one would argue that even in the shambles of today’s world that pimping yourself out to the highest bidder is still acceptable.  Now a day’s people unconventionally date for the love of money and not the person himself.  This is a trait that is commonly found in women, hence the term gold digger.  I’ve noticed a lot of woman my age and even younger are looking for men to take care of them, they couldn’t give a damn about the man’s name or the type of person he is.  Because as long as he looks good and has money then it’s all good right?  WRONG!!!   I have to say that the biggest pet peeve that I have right now with my gender is the fact that we have to rely on someone else to take care of us.  I hear these nonsensical females popping off at the mouth talking about

 “If a dude wanna pay my bills then he can pay my bills.”

If that’s not the most ignorant shit I’ve ever heard. My thing is no one seems  to see the bigger picture,  yeah you’re getting some cash to pay the bills but what would you have to do in the end for that , because let’s face it nothing in this world is free and always comes with a price that you may not  want to pay.  I’m tired of hearing all these women tell men to get their money up.  I wonder how in the hell are you gonna act like that and you don’t have two pennies to rub together your damn self?  It baffles me, what happened to the time when females were out there to make their own way.  I can only say that I know half a dozen real females out there that are about getting ahead and not using a man’s wallet to do it.

I knew this one girl who tried to talk to my brother, JT, and told him that she only dated dudes who only wear Gucci and Prada. I wish that I could see this girl and tell her to go sit the hell down somewhere.  Men don’t really want a woman that they have to take care of financially.  It isn’t a safe bet to just assume that a man will take care of you and bend over backwards, who really wants a man that bends over? This girl had the nerve to put her demands on the table about what kind of man she wants, but I find it funny that you want a rich man, and yet here you sit at Carolina Place mall filling out a job application.  If the girl that I am talking about is reading this then honey, my message to you: Stop trying to find a man to take care of you financially.  Men these days don’t just spend money on a girl without expecting something back in return.  Not to throw salt, but we have a name for women that take money but have to do things for it. Ho!!

  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that the money thing is a race based thing, because you don’t have to be just black or white to fit the bill for these types of woman (and I use the term loosely).  Women need to start being a little more proactive when it comes to making their own way.  Even though the guy that is paying for your way of life is not really complaining to you about your ways, you can bet your ass that he’s telling his boys how easy you are when you’re not in the room (which he is paying for).  Yes the role of a man is to provide for his woman (keyword provide not support).  A lot of these females out here have the game twisted.  Men want a woman who can hold a nine to five and bring home some money to.  It’s a turn on to a man to see a woman be independent, Mr. Foxx said it best: “I love her cause she got her own.”  If you don’t know, then you better ask somebody.

So, how did the Pride and Prejudice turn out in the end you ask? Well let’s just say that for you to know that you should watch it.  Another thing about people these days is that they don’t appreciate a good classic.  Darcy did have a lot of work to do to get over his prejudice that he had for Elizabeth because he realized that her circumstances, her inferior birth, and her embarrassing mother were things that she could not control nor should be counted against her.  If a guy saw a woman at least trying to make an effort in her life to reach her goals then he would love to be with her, because after all he wants is to be with someone that will keep him motivated when it comes to achieving his goals. Take some time to meditate on that food for thought and see if it doesn’t help change your life.

~Peace be with you ~

Original Lynn

Relationships: How to Deal with the Insecurities with Girlfriends and Friends

Yo and hello to my readers, I hope all of you have been enjoying the holidays and the extra pounds that accompany holiday food.   I’ve had an epiphany (for those not familiar, a reckoning, and manifestation).   I’ve sat here and thought long and hard about this blog that I work so hard on, I wonder if anybody really gets anything out of it?  The stuff that I write about is important to some decree.  It does not save lives but, I would think that people’s opinions are something to be thought on.  How do you try to make some noise with just one voice?  Well I’ve decided to go weekly now.  I’ll pick a topic for the month and there will be sub topics that way I can get the reading public that I believe that I so richly deserve.  And here we go…

Relationships:  How to Deal with the Insecurities with Girlfriends and Friends

I’m having this conversation with a lot of my friends.  It’s always.  “Why is she so jealous of my female friends?”   This one is for all of the guys out there that have a girlfriend who are currently having this problem.

Where should we start with this one?  Guys, since the beginning of time we woman have always secretly hated each other. We smile in each other’s face and call each other best friends, but at the same time,  when she leaves the room we call her a bitch and then hate on her because she has something we want.  Now I know a lot of women, present company included, will not admit to this.   A co worker of mine (a man) did say that the biggest difference between men and woman is that when it comes to competition, women are secretly competitive.  I agree with this statement, because after all, competition is a huge motivator.  It ignites something in you that makes you want to be at your best.  It’s not something that we get over easily.  It grows tenfold when a man is involved, because let’s face it, no one likes to be second best when the affections of a man is involved.

The insecurities that we have with men are so many.  We get intimidated by our men having these female friends.  Why, because it makes us wonder if when men have those secret fantasies (which they will never own up to) is that the girl that he sees in them?  I hang out with a lot of guys and when the girl friend is brought in there are usually daggers being thrown into the mix.  I was told that my friend’s girl told him that all of his female friends look like super models and that makes her crazy.   Now at the point of pissing this chick off further, if she is reading this I would say that she needs to really get over herself.  You telling a grown ass man that he can’t have friends of the opposite sex is crazy.  That goes the same for the men out there, because let’s be honest, insecurities are not gender specific.  There are some men out there that flip the fuck out if they see a dude’s name come across their girl’s phone.  Telling someone that they can’t be friends with someone else is basically calling the relationship quits.  

  My advice to the jealous female would be step your game up, as I said earlier competition is a huge motivator. There is a reason that he hangs out with these woman, not because he secretly wants them, but because they understand him on a whole other level that you have yet to comprehend.  My advise to my friend would be, if she is worth it and you really love her go ahead and play the fool, because I’m willing to bet that she probably has some guy friends  that may not be known to you, but they are there.  This is a touchy subject in relationships, a test of the wills I call it.   Either you will let you significant other run your life and tell you what you can and can’t do, or you will put your foot down.

In my relationship, I don’t care if L has women friends.  Yeah I want to meet them, and if they are better at something than me it would make me want to step my game up. Then again, L and I have been together for almost 5 years and we still do talk about everything including our friends.  I hang around a lot of guys, and I go out with them sometimes to movies and to dinner.  How did I get past that step you may ask? By making them understand that the friends you know aren’t that bad, invite them to hang out with the group. Then at least you can say that you tried to make her a part of your world.  Now this might not work all of the time, because let’s face it, a lot of people who aren’t really in the art industry may not really feel welcomed in our circle. It will just piss them off even more that you have a group of people that are into the same things as you. All you can do is try to educate them on why your art is so important to you. L is not a writer but we compromise, he reads what I write and accompanies me to any artsy thing I want to go to.  I in turn listen to him talk about his computers and electronics, also letting him teach me things that I might need to know about technology period.  A relationship can be built when two people are completely different; it’s all about how hard are you willing to try to be with that other person.

I know that I may appear to be rambling on and some of you have lost the point, but it’s in there somewhere.  So try to understand one another and who knows maybe you’ll have what we call soul mate material. If you really have to change who you are in the end just because your significant other has a problem with your friends, then I would have to say shame on you for punking out and  not sticking to your guns.  If you’re still turning this whole scenario over in your mind wondering which road to take, then consult your friends.  After all, who really knows you better than your friends?  If they are real friends they will take into consideration all aspects including your happiness.

I suppose that is all for now until next time.

~Original Lynn~