Will The Real Lynn Allen Please Stand Up: October 2011

W  hat’s up to all my  raved  readers,   I would like to just take this moment to say that my last month’s edition of my blog was on a big personal tangent.  I was really moved by all the comments that I got, because that really let’s me know who really has my back and who would love to see me fall.  I want to thank you all for all of your heart felt wishes and curse outs on my behalf.   You guy are the effin bomb dot com.    One last thing before I get to the program.  I would like to take this time to shout out some wonderful occasions coming up.  My Long time friend, Erica Buccini will be marrying the man of her dreams on October 1^st, I can not express how happy I am for her. Boochie, if you are reading this I would like to take this time to say girl we have come a long way from those two girls that used to spend after school at the boys and girls club.  God bless you and Mike and may your life together be full of excitement, and many more happy moments.  Another happy occasion is my home girl Toya Funderburk is celebrating a new life into the world on October 8^th.  Toya if you are reading this, I would like to just say, I know that Kendra and I have been working tirelessly but I’m sure that the fruits of our labor of love will pay off when we throw the most amazing baby shower  ever , we love you boo!!.  And birthday shout out to my high school buddy Billy Williams  Love ya boo and may god bless you on your special day.  Ok now on to the 411.

Children: The New Spouses:

I was sad and dismayed when I was watching Dr. Phil the other day and I saw this segment on teen girls trying to grow up to fast.  Then there’s this grown ass 40 year old man who has taken a 7 year old as his wife. (is that not disgusting?)  I mean the child is not even fully developed and you’re taking her as your wife.  This one girl was fifteen and she had just lost a lot of weight.  She was on the show parading around in clothes that you would see a prostitute in…  So the question that I want to ask is what the hell is going on with these parents?  I’m starting to think that my generation was the last sane generation.  When I hear that 14 year olds are walking around wanting older men to take notice of them, it makes me want to run a just beat the hell of the kids’ parents.  My advice stop letting your daughters act so  damned grown up.  Take the time to know who they are spending their time with, let her know a child’s place because adulthood is not all that it is cracked up to be.  So to all you men that think that having a wife that is a decade younger than you and you are only 27, do me a favor and go walk out in front of the nearest bus, because if you can’t find a woman somewhere around your age to marry, then you are profoundly screwed up and should seek professional help.

Family Members weighing in on Life decisions:

Ok as of lately I have been getting the whole.  “When are you and L getting married?”  Question.  I have to say that it’s driving me crazy.  I understand that everyone one has these ideals of what love is.  My uncle raked me across the coals last week when he found out that L and I have been together for four years.  Some people are under the impression that four years is too long.  To me I think four years is fine. I do not want to get married because you all say so.  I’m not going to force L. to make a huge decision just because it’s what everyone expects.  Funny thing is no one in my family is still married to the same person that they started off with.  Some have been married multiple times.  Which poses the question, how the hell are you going to tell me to do something when you aren’t in a relationship?  I’m tired of people telling me what is best for me when they aren’t in my similar situation.   Fun fact: Lj and I will get married, but it will be up to us to figure that out. It's our decision, no one else’s.

Reviving the Revolution

I was talking to a friend of mine the other day and there was a point that was brought up about how no one really takes a stand for anything anymore.  I have to say that I don’t fully agree with that.  People do take a stand; it’s more of how much of a stand are you willing to take?  Many great people have gone to rallies and picketed so that we all can enjoy a lot of the freedoms that we have today.  People in the 60’s and the 80’s, they had passion.  They moved so many mountains and made things happen.  Where is the fight now?  Could it really be possible that in every life time there is only going to be one generation that will really stand for something?   The thing is a lot of people fight for the wrong things.  No one really thinks about what kind of legacy that they will leave behind.   I would like to think that I would leave behind a lot of things for people to think about, which is why I started this blog.  Nothing here is to make any of you agree with me, but to make you look at things in way that you never would have .  Sure some things I come up with are completely random, but they still make you think.  Maybe not all the great revolutionaries are dead, maybe I’m a revolution in progress….

The Artist vs. the Interpretation

This segment is for all my artists out there.  All of you do what you do because you have gifts.  We unleash those gifts out into the world.  But how do you deal when someone mis-interprets your work.  I have a friend who has this gift and the project he has taken on has people labeling him as a racist.  I have to play both sides of the fence.  As the artist we like to think that we have no boundaries but the that sometimes without even meaning to we offend someone in our audience.  The audience is offended hence comes the point where we start throwing labels out.  Because life has taught us that being an artist makes people a little uncomfortable when we make them think of things that could be looked at as a personal stab.  We as the artist sometimes may think that our audience is a little too sensitive.  But then again, interpretation is free not everyone is going to see what you were trying to do.  Some people are going to be offended, and I as an artist laugh, because through this whole spill I wasn’t looking to offend you I was merely trying to put an idea out into the universe that other people may be scared to think or even say out loud.  I laugh a little more and clutch my sides as I ponder  just how ignorant you may have been to my point all along, because we as humans don’t know any better.  If we all took the time to bask in the ambiance of an artist, to really listen to them or really look at them then maybe will have gained a vast amount of knowledge that we never would have gotten if we did not let the sanctuary of our own ignorance collapse upon us.

Sigh, I’m done for this month, hopefully someone took something from this.

Peace brothers and sisters

~Original Lynn~

Will the Real Lynn Allen Please Stand Up: september 2011

Hello to you all.   I hope that you are fairing better than I am at the moment.  I have to say that I am a little vexed right now, but then again it does not take a genius to go to my face book page and read my status’ to figure that out.  The thing is that my reality is shaken, people that I thought were my friends are starting to really show me who they really are.  Anyone who knows me knows that my friends are my world, and lately that has come crashing down on me, like a broken silence.

Then it hit me, people these days aren’t really your friends, they are in fact not friends with you, but your possessions.  I look back on my so-called friendships and I see who has really been there for me. I’m a giving person, so I give my friends a lot. They need a favor; I do it. They ask for me to make impossible things happen; I do that to.  All the while, I don’t ever ask for anything in return.  Why, because I was taught to be selfless instead of being selfish.  But there comes a time when I’m tired of being selfless, when I do want stuff to just be about me. Funny thing about that it is never about me. I’m not saying that I want it to be about me all the time, but it would be nice if someone took a little effort to try to make it about me just once.

I look back at all the times that I have done something for other people, if it’s loaning them money, or buying them a gift.  Please let it be known that I don’t have to do those things, but I do them because I care.  When people do something nice for you it’s said that they never expect anything back in return; but sometimes it is human nature to wonder why no one does anything nice for you, and all you are is nice to them.   I’ve figured it out, some of you people out there that are my so called friends are only here because of what I can do for you, and then you have the nerve to act like because we are friends that I’m suppose to do all that I do for you.  Damn, if that is how a lot of you are, then I sure do have some suck ass friends.

Since I am on my proverbial soap box I’m going to make sure I get this out.  Another thing that has been pissing me off is when people look down on me.  I’m sick of people telling me that I don’t have problems or that I could just quit my job so that my husband can take care of me.  When I hear this I laugh because that lets me know that some of you that walk around claiming to be my best friends don’t really know shit about me.  If you really knew me you would know that I have never been, or will never be that girl. I’ve been working since I was old enough to know what work really was, and I may be working for the rest of my life.  I have never relied on a man to take care of me completely.  I’m not one of these women that sit at home on my ass all day and do nothing while my husband is at work making the money.  Thanks to the woman’s suffrage movement, I’m never going to have to do that.  My boyfriend fell in love with me because of who I am.  He does not require a wife that will walk five steps behind him, but who will fall in step with him, he only steps in when he sees that I really need him.  And if he is reading this, then baby, I just wanted to say that I thank god every day for you being the kind, loving, beautiful man that you are, and I would not change that for the world.  When we finally do make that step to husband and wife, no one will be more proud than I to walk beside you down life’s winding roads as not only your soul mate, but your equal.

The next thing that I wish to address is, how I’m told that I have money and that I don’t have to worry about situations or how I’ll never understand the burdens of being a stay at home mom.  First and foremost, if you knew me, you would know that life has not been easy on me.  Fate has been dealing me cruel hands all my life.  Just when I feel like that I have finally gotten to where I’m supposed to be, fate laughs and says...

“Uh oh, Lynn is happy again, we’d better get her.”

I have been without a lot of things in my life time; I have slept on floors, gone without running water, food, and electricity.  I have done a lot of things that I’m not proud of, and if you were to ask me if I’d do it all again?  I would tell you as long as I turned out the same humble and selfless person that I am today, and then I wouldn’t change a thing.  Someone I would call a true friend was more upset than I was about the comment about my life being easy.  He said something like.

“Right, you’ve worked your ass off for a decade and it’s been so easy, what the hell is wrong with this person?”

It’s nice to see that someone knows that I’m really trying to be a success.  As stated before if you would stop hating on me and mine and do something for yourself then you could be successful too.  Like I said, I made it on a whim and a prayer, Jesus saves and if you not there yet then maybe you need to find a way to get there, being jealous don’t get your prayers answered.  While you are sitting on that pedestal of your turning your nose up at me and how “easy “ my life is suppose to be, then maybe it’s time to stop worrying about what I have and go get yours.  I’m not perfect I do have my problems, if I’m too busy figuring out yours and you don’t give a damn about mine, what the hell does that say about you as a friend?

I know that all of this may seem to be harsh and I’m sure that some hurt feelings will come out of this.   I’m not mad; I’m more hurt than anything.  Because at the end of the day my friends (the real ones) are like family, and if I count you fortunate enough to be included in that, why would you say the things that were said behind my back?  We are all grown folks here come say them to my face.   For those of you who have been there for me and really do consider me friends (you know who you are) thank you.  For those of you that have to wonder if I’m talking about you, do us all a favor and stop wondering because I am talking about you.  Don’t pretend to be hurt and mad, just take what was said with a grain of salt and learn to do right by your other friends because you’ll get no second chances here.

Peace is with you.

~Original Lynn~

  

Will The Real Lynn Allen Please Stand Up: August 2011

Will The Real Lynn Allen Please Stand Up: August 2011

Bonjour mon Amies.  (Hey!)  Hope that things are going well for everyone. I can honestly say that this month has been crazy. I am truly blessed and highly favored.  All I have to say is God is awesome, and if you don’t know you better ask somebody.  Ok so I want to take this time to dedicate this segment of the blog to all the silent haters out there.  Just to know that you hate silently or on face book makes me laugh.  On a lighter note I would like to say happy birthday to all my friends in August: Talathia McKenzie (Feel better boo you are in my prayers always.)  My cousin, Brent Lewis, and long time friend, Matt Thompson hope you all are blessed with more birthdays.

Football is Back!!!

I have to say that I am happy for football coming back. I, however, can not say that about all women. There are millions of women around the country that are pissed that the lockout is over, because now their husbands have an excuse to get missing on Sunday and Monday nights.  What a lot of women fail to realize is that the relationship would go so much easier if she would just jump on the sports band wagon.  Then again, the relationship would be better if some of the men were to cook, clean and keep their children (enough said there).  Yes, men are attracted to us when we get all dolled up, however, they find you more attractive in a jersey with a beer koozie in hand.  A lot of you are sitting there rolling your eyes at me, but I’m serious.  A woman with a shot of tequila and a dirty mouth is the sexiest thing to a man (ask Justin Timberlake).  What’s not so sexy is a girl who doesn’t understand the rules to the game.  There is nothing more unattractive then a girl who doesn’t know the difference in a touchdown and a field goal.

Bitching it Out on Facebook

The biggest pet peeve that I have right now with facebook is when you see these long comments between two people that are arguing.  I hate looking on my page and seeing two people go back and forth online for the whole world to see.  It’s bad enough that you weren’t smart enough to send a text to the person you’re pissed at, but to take it global is just terrible. It’s like a big car accident that no one wants to get involved with but they don’t mind watching.  I guess the thing that pisses me off here is the person that feels that they have to say something snarky on a face book comment. There was a time before facebook and the glorified presence of computers where you either wrote a hand written letter or just got in someone’s face and said what you had to say, then fought and moved on. What the hell happened?  I’ll just say this, not just in my blog but I’ll say it to your face as well. Stop nursing your insecurities on face book, the rest of the world is tired of you bitching and moaning about everything. If you can’t express your feelings in person, than do us all a favor and invest in a diary. Border’s is having a going out of business sale, so it should not be hard to find one.

The Double Standard in a Relationship.

So this was one of the topics selected for my opinion. Why is it when you are in a relationship that it is not ok for your spouse to have a friend of the opposite sex?  I laugh at this one, because there are a lot of women who have straight male friends, but if their spouse has a straight female friend then it is an issue.  I do think that it is a double standard.  How could you, a woman, be the only woman in a group of guys and then be ready to throw hands with any girl who even stops to ask your man for directions?  Then again we have to look at this from both sides.  I have mostly guy friends and LJ knows my guy friends. Lj can have female friends I just have to check them out because these days you never really know.   From a woman’s perspective I would say that it’s an equal thing. Men are just as uncomfortable about their spouse’s friends of the opposite sex as we are.  With the male friends there are some who don’t really care about a commitment that you have, ever since the song “What Your Man Got to Do With Me” came out, some men feel that they are going to test you.  Then again it could be said about some women (have you seen the movie Obsessed?, gents if you come home to your girl beating the hell out of the creepy girl that stalks you at the office, then maybe you should have taken better notes.)   All I’m saying is that given the stereotypical displays here I am thankful to say that the men that run in my circle are nothing like that to me, they are my brothers and I don’t think that I could ask for better so shout out to JT, D, NC, Alex, Daniel, Christian and KD for being those brothers.

Mom Gets Off For Murder of Child

Ok I know that when I saw this story I was mad.  There was a thought in my mind to do a special edition of my blog just for this topic.  My first question is what the hell is really wrong with the system these days? I’m to understand  that people get locked up for robbing banks and drug possession, however, I’m having a hard time trying to process why there are a bunch of killers still walking the streets.  I don’t really care how you spin it, there is no “well I accidentally killed my daughter.”  That whole excuse “it was an accident" is just a load of BS.  I’m sitting here thinking about the slew of bad mothers that I have come across in my life time and wonder what makes you so damned special that you get to have children?  I can imagine the most caring person in the world who can’t have children of their own by some cruel tip of fate, but these monsters out here can have children.  I think the universe has a sick since of humor. Mothers are suppose to be selfless, everything for their children, then again there are some that can’t see past the nose on the face.  Yes, people are given second chances all the time, a lot of people don’t really disappoint when they screw up said second chance.  In my eyes there are two types of people, the ones who actually do take the chance and prove that they learned something and the ones that have learned nothing at all.  Sad to say that the ratio for the nothing at all types is greater than the ones that have changed.

The Kids Are in the Corner

So I had already finished the blog, until I was in the grocery store and saw this.  This lady had three children with her.  The middle child kept touching things in the store after his mother asked him not to.  When he finally pushed her to her breaking point she yells “you’re going to go stand in the corner when we get home.”   I almost laughed at this.  Because I really wanted to ask her what the hell was standing in the corner gonna do?  I cannot fathom what that is suppose to solve.  I mean, little Jimmy is gonna sit in the corner and just figure out more ways to torment you.  Take some advise and whoop little Jimmy’s butt.  I’m not saying hit him until he blacks out, but don’t be light handed.   Maybe some of these moms need a Madea in their lives b/c if you’re too scare to beat your kids, she for damn sure is not.  If your one of these parents that have kids that are bold enough to call the police on you b/c you hit them, then in true Madea fashion say that you hit the last kid so hard they "dialed 919” But please stop putting your kids in corners, it doesn’t solve anything and makes your children think that they run you.  Maybe I should send every parent to time out for not learning how to control their children.

Hope everyone has a great month.  Please leave comments and be sure to visit my blog’s new home at www.thereallynnallen.blogspot.com.   Peace and God bless.

Will The Real Lynn Allen Please Stand Up: The July Editon

Will the Real Lynn Allen Please Stand Up:  July Edition

Yo and hello to all of my readers, I hope that you all had a wonderful month.  I can honestly say that stress has actually become a frequent visitor in my life.  I hope that everyone else is kicking the summer off stress free.   Birthday shout outs to my people: Cassie Erin (Love ya boo), Travis Givens, Rachelle Neal, Josh Breedlove, and Tynadia Burris, may God bless you all with more birthdays.

BET  AWARDS

Ok, let’s just get right to it, the BET awards to say the least, were entertaining.  The Real Hollywood Husbands did have me rolling until Nick Cannon was on there talking about whoopin Eminem’s ass.  I’m cringing as I’m waiting for Eminem’s crazy ass to pop out of nowhere and shut him down.  One I know that entertainers are in the business to make people laugh but don’t you all know that Eminem doesn’t really look like a jokey joke type person?  On another note I would like to say to Chris Brown that only Sisqo could pull off the blonde look.  Not to mention the fact that Justin Beiber tried to hit on Nikki Minaj was really disturbing.  Final case and point I’m going to need the CEO to make sure the next time that she comes to a red carpet affair that she does not take the curtains out of her living room and have her stylist fashion them into a dress FAIL FAIL FAIL!!!!

  No Man: Every entourage needs one,

So Kevin Hart was telling everyone at the awards that they need to find a no man.  Definition: a member of the entourage who is not afraid to tell you the truth. I don’t think that this should be an entourage thing.  I believe that every circle of friends needs a no man as well.  No if anyone is lacking and needs a friend to be their no man then I will step up for the job.  Because A: I’m not going to sit here and lie to you about your doomed relationship like the rest of your so called friends do. And B:  I will tell you if the dress you have on makes you look fat. The trick is in the eyes.  If you ask a friend a question and they can’t look you in the eyes when they say yes, then most likely the answer to your question was a no or a hell no.

Robbing a Bank for $1?

The craziest new story that I came across this month was a homeless man robbed a bank for $1…..

(crickets chirping)  Yes folks, that’s right, $1. Now I understand that if you are homeless desperation comes into play, but let’s play this one smart.  If I were to rob a bank (and I do not highly recommend robbing a bank.) I would have to say that I would not go waving a gun around for $1.  Let’s be real, if I get caught I’m going to jail anyway, might as well make the time I’m going to serve be worth it.  I mean what are you going to do with $1, that’s not even bus fair anymore.  Currently the homeless man is serving his time in jail and he is happy because he has benefits (wtf)? Let’s play this smart: if you are a homeless man and it get’s to the point to where you feel that you need to rob a bank don’t do it, just remember back on set it off and takers it didn’t work out for T.I or Queen Latifah.

Fourth of July

Everyone gets excited about the fourth of July, a time for cookouts, family and fireworks.  I can honestly say that I would love it even more if I did not have to work.  I’m still trying to figure out why businesses are open on the 4^th.  We all do have families and the thing that pisses me off the most has to sit on the phone with someone crying about their phone when I hear sounds of merriment in the background.  This country is going to hell in a flaming hand basket. I mean I like hot dogs too!!! So President Obama, if you are reading this please pass some kind of law that will allow all of us to have government holidays off.  I know that my job is not glamorous and I don’t do anything like jump in front of bullets or spy work, but can’t the lowly customer service rep catch a break?

Common Courtesy has left…. Everywhere

So I’m at Wal-Mart today with my mother and we are looking at videos and this baby huey, barney the purple dinosaur looking dude shifts my cart out of the way without saying excuse me.  What the hell is wrong with this picture?  I mean it’s not like this is the only aisle at Wal-Mart. (It’s WALMART for Christ sake, there are a lot of aisles there to walk down.)  I guess my point here is people have gotten so effin rude. What happened to please, thank you, and (oh wait) excuse me?  It baffles me as to wonder when Americans started being so damned rude. This is how fights start.  Since we are on the subject of this dude let’s say that maybe a short cut through the electronic section was not a good idea.  If we are going to take some short cuts how about taking a short cut on raising a fork to your mouth then maybe you would not have a problem going down any of the aisles of Wal-Mart, or maybe if you had said excuse me in the first place then I would have gladly moved the cart for you.

Stalkers For Exes

A lot of us have exes.  When you break up with that ex, you think that the break is clean and that you can move on with your life.  Negative.  As you are walking down the boulevard with your new boo, you get this feeling that someone has eyes on you.   It’s one thing for the dumped to walk around pining for the dumper for about a good month, if after that month you start seeing this person coincidentally show up where you are at, then you should be worried. Stalkers tend to start arguments through text messages, that is why you should change your number. (or put them on the block list.)  Other stalker like behaviors include hiding in bushes, or other places like trashcans, the backseat of your  car (don’t ask)  This person may even start talking about taking their life in that case a padded cell and a straight jacket might not be a bad idea.   If it really gets to the point where you may have to fight for your life then you may want to go rent the movie, Enough, and pick up some pointers from J-Lo.

Until next time, peace be with you.      

Will The Real Lynn Allen Please Stand Up: The June Edition 2011

Will The Real Lynn Allen Please Stand Up : the June Edition
Yo and hello to all my readers I want to say I hope that everyone had a great month. I am currently
on vacation enjoying my time off. Between the crazy changes at my day time job and the need to
seriously consider employment elsewhere, it was time for a break. So I took a vacation and have to
say that I really missed my best friend, Corinna. I dedicate this edition partially to Boston. I also want
to dedicate to the troops that are overseas; we thank you for risking your freedom to protect us. In
addition, I want to let you know about a blessing that has come my way. My webpage for my blog is
fully operational. All editions of my blog will be on www.thereallynnallen.blogspot.com, please make
sure to subscribe to my page for short stories and my blog, I would greatly appreciate more comments
and my readers opinions on topics they would like to be brought up. Finally I would like to give birthday
shout outs to my peoples Julie Waitman, Marquita Palmer, RaShaun “Scope Kid” Wilson, Kevin Jordan,
Jamil Winfield, Alex Brown, Quiana Hairston, and Chris “NC” Ross, may god continue to bless each of
you.
The Rules of Boston
What can I honestly say here? Boston was both entertaining and educational. It is one of the most
beautiful cities that I have ever had the pleasure of laying eyes on; however there were a few cons. First
off my head hurt listing to all of those definitive Yankee vowels. I got a kick out of watching everyone
pronounce the word Car (Ka-ARE) as Ca (Ca –Ah). The roads are completely effed up. The pot holes are
so damn big you could take a bath in them (not that you would want to). If Charlotte PD where in Boston
they would not have a problem meeting their quota for the month b/c there would be too many moving
violations to count. The interstate was not any better, you have all these crazy people that just drive on
the shoulder of the road as I’m watching all the speed demons on the road just whisk past and not even
think twice, one thing comes to mind: Who the hell is giving all of these people licenses? My personal
favorite thing was just watching people cut us off without putting on the turn signal. Yes, I know I know,
I am aware that there are some people in charlotte who do that frequently, in the glorified state of
Massachusetts, everyone just thinks that the turn signal is just a pretty light that was added to their auto
mobile for show. Fact: the turn signal does serve a purpose, use it in every other state you visit, but in
true Bostonian fashion when you do turn on the signal just make sure you wipe the drool off of your
awe struck face while the car is at a complete stop.
How the Doctor Got His Groove Back
Ok, I was watching this news story on tv about a doctor who is facing charges for raping the nurse
that works at his office. Stories like this make me a little nervous to go in for a checkup. A doctor is
a shady profession anyway, If you are a doctor, then feel free to prove me wrong. Let’s examine the
fact, half of you men out there that are doctors stumbled into that profession because it would give you
an excuse to feel a girl up. I think that it is disgusting, what makes you some damn interesting at the
job that I would want to sleep with you? I’m pretty sure that we all are the object of someone’s crazy
office fantasy that makes me want to start having security escort me to my car, (then again security is
looking pretty suspect now a days). So to you doctors that feel it’s cool to rape a fellow co worker, just
remember the vows you took, “Do no harm.” Perhaps we should have them add in “Do no nurses.”
Parents at Graduations
Who knew that mothers could be so vicious when it comes to their child graduating, and I can attest to
that. I could never understand how a parent could be the one stressed about their child’s graduation
because after all, they have to do nothing except sit there and scream “that’s my baby” into the crowd
when the name gets called. At least that is what was thought until I spent five days with my best
friend’s mother. It was the most exciting, crazy, stressful time ever, and I loved every minute of it. I
know in high school it doesn’t seem to matter much, college is a different story. When a parent spends
a fortune on classes that help their child obtain a piece of paper that says that they are ready for the
world and a new life, of course they are going to take an interest. This one lady got Mad at Roxie (Cori’s
mom) for not letting her stand in the seat that she was saving to take a photo. He made this big deal
about how her child was graduating; I wanted to let her know that her kid was not the only important
one. I have to say the thing that bothered me the most was this was a private school and I’m seeing
people walk around in tube socks and sweat pants. How embarrassing is it to stand there on one of
the most important days of your child’s life looking like a third rate citizen? Does that mean that you’re
going to show up to their wedding wearing crocks and an oversized white tee? So I’m guessing that you
spent all the money on your kids education, you couldn’t go get a cheap suit on credit? I got two words
for you people EPIC FAIL!!
Tattoos Equals Interesting Stories
I love when I meet people with tattoos. Believe it or not, but they are actually good conversation
starters. While I was getting a mani/pedi today I notice the lady next to me had a very interesting ankle
piece. I commented that I liked it and it lead to the store of her having to get the original one covered
up because she was drunk at a party and just happened to cross paths with a guy with a tattoo gun. I
love tattoos; there is something about them that shows just how artsy people can be. The biggest turns
off about tattoos are name tattoos. It astounds me when I see girls my age and younger walking around
with some dude’s name on them. Why would you put a dude’s name on you unless it was your daddy,
or a relative that has died? So when I ask If the guy has her name tattooed anyone on his person, I hear
nothing but crickets in the background. So to you women that are walking around with some guys name
on your chest, and he is nowhere to be found, I would say I hope that he was worth it b/c I hear that
laser removal costs a fortune and hurts like a bitch.
Learning to Read Between the Lines
So I was talking to one of my girlfriends today and she asked the question of when I need something
from LJ, how do I get it? I was a little curious on this one, and asked her to elaborate. So the example
was if I needed money how would I go about asking him for it? I told my friend that I would just ask.
She then shakes her head at me with such disbelief and says that she doesn’t feel like she should have
to ask. I felt like I needed some clarification. She stated that if she needed something that she would
just say: “so my car is running low on gas.” And the guy is suppose to read between the lines and say;
“ok boo, let me pay for that for you?” I find that laughable because, gents, I hate to say it, but you guys
don’t really read between the lines. Dropping hints is just not the way to go. I find that men are straight
shooters, you tell them what you want and they give it to you if they have it. Some would consider this
concept as taking all the romance out of things. I would say that if I needed money then I’m gonna ask
for it, but if LJ would want to get me a gift then I would not be opposed to him buying me something
in the 24k gold category. See, with us women we can tell when a man wants something without
having to ask for it because we have this sixth since about things, if you don’t know then you better ask
somebody.
To conclude I would really love it if everyone visited my blog page and left comments and leave some
ideas for the next one. Until next time..

Will The Real Lynn Allen Please Stand Up: The May Edition 2011

Hello to all of my wonderful readers, I hope you all had a
wonderful month. I would like to say
this month I have a real treat for
you, My Brother, J.T Foster, will
be appearing on my blog as a guest
blogger this month, I hope that he is entertaining as well as insightful to you
as I am. I would like to start off by
letting everyone know that we are not here to make you agree with us, but to make you think about things that
people are either too afraid to say or don’t really want to talk about. With that being said I would like to give
birthday shout outs to my home town Homies: Danielle Leake, Kendra Roberts Crystal Aiken, and Jena
Shelton Atwal. My cousin, Renesha I love
ya boo!!! My nephew Alex, happy birthday
baby and auntie loves you. My Sister,
Makiba Gadson Hall, Love ya sissy, my bro from another mother Dametrius (I love
you bookie) My College buddy Will Quinealty (happy birthday old man.) and my Homies Heather Schoolfield and
Valencia Ware, May God Bless you all with many more birthdays. I would also like to dedicate this edition
of the blog to the hard working US armed forces and the CIA.


Death of Bin Laden


I had all my topics all ready to go until I saw this on the
news. Bin Laden is dead. Now the first thing that I would like to say
is I’m about to celebrate. Now I know what
some people are thinking. But let me
shut it down. I do value human life, I believe
that everyone should get their chance to live their life; I however cannot
force myself to be sympathetic to anyone who can just end thousands of lives in
the blink of an eye. The visions of 9/11
still haunt me, as I’m sure it does everyone else. I can tell you what I was doing at that time
and I could picture it all like it happened yesterday. I can honestly say that I am glad that my
hard earned money is finally going to good use.
People these days are so quick to say “yes the system works, have faith
in it.” But it doesn’t always work, the
system is flawed, there have been many child molesters, rapist and god only
knows what else that have skated by the law without having to pay for what was
done. But this time I can say that yes
the system does work in our favor and for once it was a wonderful victory. Lastly on this my only hope is that this guy
suffered before he left this world, one life for thousands. I bet he’ll be pissed when he finds out that
no ice water in hell was not a rumor.


Obama for Second Term


A lot of people are starting to be on edge about the next
election. People are saying that
President Obama should not be in the running for a second term because he did
not do anything. I just want to say,
that I think that the previous statement is the biggest load of bullshit that I
have ever heard. Case and point, before
Obama this country was in billions of dollars of debt, yes that hasn’t really
changed alot but let it also be known that the previous president had 8 years
to completely screw us over. I think that for what was there to work with,
Obama is doing a great job. A lot of
people are also under the impression that I am standing firm on this b/c it’s a
black man in the office, but it isn’t even about that. If Obama had of been white I still would have
voted for him, b/c of what he stood for.
Him being black was a plus, not saying that black people run a country
better that the previous, because that is not the point. Racism has been a part of our history for the
longest time, and it gets old. So all of
you who are sitting here talking about how Obama sucks as a president I ask you
this: If you were elected and you
walked into the catastrophe that is our country, how would you deal with
it? Let me answer that for you: you wouldn’t because you can’t. If you who are claiming the worst of the
president were in office I would have to say that you’d either be impeached in
a week or probably be hiding in the oval office in the fetal position having a
breakdown. Then again if have of you
shit talkers were in the office I think I’d renounce my citizenship, b/c you
probably couldn’t even name the three branches of government, don’t worry, I’ll
wait.




Fashion Pet Peeve


Ok the latest fashion pet peeve that has been driving me
crazy is opened toed shoes sans pedicure.
Ladies half of you make me want to smack the hell out of you. Why because that shit is not cute. If I have to see one more scaly toed
B*&^$ walking around with open toed shoes on I’m gonna snap. I don’t know many men that love toes but, I know
that they are out there and I can imagine that seeing a woman wear peek a boo
pumps and her toes look like a battle of epic proportions is just a big turn
off. The fashion rule going forward
please get a pedicure before you decide to go out the house. Now for those of you who don’t know where to
go then you better make that where app work or you can go see my stylist,
Tracy, at Divi Nails and tell her I sent you, if you are that hard up for cash
then buy a do it yourself kit and fix your dogs.




The Definition of a Whore


My niece and I were having a conversation and she asked me
how I would define a whore. I laugh at
her and tell her that all women have the quality because it’s a little more
accepted for women to be a little more promiscuous now a days. So if you are not in a relationship, and I have
to use the term loosely for some women out there, because some are under the
impression that a relationship involves an ass beating every day. (Some people
actually get off on that.) Relationship
you guys are making future plans or if you’re engaged then this doesn’t apply. Those of you who are not in a relationship
can have a little fun. You can sleep
with a bunch of guys (just remember every person you sleep with has probably
had countless others and the ones who say that you are their first just played
you to the left. Think of it this way,
when you sleep with a guy/girl you’re sleeping with every other guy/girl that
they slept with (and trust me I’ve seen some of my ex’s others girls and it ain’t
pretty.) Once you get over that then
just remember that getting tested is a good thing, b/c you while you’ve given
up on that 100 coming your way to go mess with 80 you will end up with 20 and
that is not good. If you are a true
whore then you have guys lined up. When
I say lined up I mean bachelor number one was just at your house at 3pm and now
at 345pm bachelor number two is there.
Please note that there was no time for a shower in between so that not
only makes you a whore but it also makes you a dirty whore.






Can I Get an Amen?

By: JT Foster




I want to start off by saying if you are easily offended by people
having anything to say about



Church, then I suggests you skip to the next part of this blog. Now I
am one to keep it real, and those who



Know me know that I am not the biggest church going person at this
point in my life, but I respect the



Foundation and yearn to find a place to worship. It’s a very hard process;
as well we all know there are



Those who preach the written word and there are those who preach the
word between the lines, or should



I say, make up their own. It doesn’t make any since that a preacher
would have the nerve to talk about



How he sold this drug, and keeps mentioning it like T.I does in his
songs as if he is glorifying it, but then



say but I’m still here. He must listen to T.I because if I’m not
mistaken, he has a song called Dope Boy



N****, and glorifies selling drugs then say it’s a dead end career,
c’mon son. Then preaches about haters



for about 30 minutes, followed by saying he drove a BMW to church, and
he was the guest pastor from



NY….does anyone see the wrong in this. Then had two kids born out of
wedlock, now I don’t know how



old they are or when he was ordained so I can’t comment on that. Now no
one is perfect and a pastor



is still above no man and makes mistakes, but if this was the President
Barrack Obama preacher saying



those things, everyone in the United States would be like wt*. I mean
for a moment I thought I was in the



Kanye West video when he was dancing in Jesus Walks because the guest
pastor was getting it in and



some in attendance joined him. Where are the churches where the
preacher teaches without the theatrics



saying….haaaaa every other word and hmmmmm… that’s not the Holy Spirit,
that’s television. Now the



preacher of this church was a genuine preacher and I could tell by his
vernacular and how he talked to me


and not down to me. As well the choir was phenomenal.




Also while in church, I noticed that the sermon started an hour after
the service started, then we wonder



why black people never can be anywhere on time. The place we go to
every Sunday doesn’t even start



when it starts. I mean if you only go for the word of god why show up
on time I guess? We show up late



to doctor appointments, meetings, clubs, birthday parties, family
gatherings, and if we had the control of



our labor date, probably ever African American child would be born
late. Now on the flip side, would if



the sermon was in the beginning, people would really miss the word of
God. I bet the same people who



missed the sermon would still call themselves true Christians. Let that
sit on your brain a little bit. Thou



shall not make the rock wait to be praised, and I’m not talking about
the great one in the WWE. (Corinthians


10:4….for those who didn’t know) Can I get an Amen…………………….




Well that is
all for this month I hope you all have a great one and comments are definantly
a must.


One Love


~Original
Lynn~

Will The real Lynn Allen Please Stand Up (November edition)

what's up  everyone?   I hope that life is treating you  all very well.   Things are going great for me, i don't know about you all but it seems that this year hasflown by, where did the time go?   Ok, aside from that i would like to kick this off by sayng that i want to thankyou (my readers)  who do  look out for my posts, if I got you to (as Ash says)  "get your 7 laughs in"  or at least made you say "Isn't that the truth."  at least once  while you're reading them, then my job is done, and it was time well spent.   So here we go.......

The Question Game
So i've been seeing alot of people  playing the question game to where someone asks a question and you havae to post the response back on your wall foreveryone to see.  Hmmm that is Trill  as hell. Some of you may want to take that old rule that was taught eons ago that said. "don't ask when you really don't know the answer."    But, on a serious note  I gotta give  it to you all that all keepin it 100  when it comes to answering some of these questions.  Then i ask myself mabe no one asked me anything b/c we all know that i can be honest to a fault, which could  bring out some tender feelings.   But,  hey if you  want to ask me something I'll play lol it's all in the name of fun.

You Tubing Fights

So I was talking to Ash one day and she sent me a video of these two women fighting outside of the corner store that she was at.  She told me and was like  :"yeah check this shit out."   so i'm looking at the video and seeing this chick with curlers in her head beating the hell out of this other lady, and there are  curlers flyikng all over the sidewalk.  I look at things like this and see a nigga moment (for those of you not familiar with that phrase, watch an episode of the boondock)    Or let's go ahead and since BET  retired the N word, we can just call it a Ninja moment (that was for Ant).  The two points that I would like to make here is why the hell would you go out in public with curlersin your hair,  that is a big faux pas, at least put on a scarf or a hat.  Two, make sure that you keep an eye out for cameras.  Yes when we get on youtube we laugh at all the craziness we see on there, but what if it was you that was on there  making an ass of yourself?  Just remember the camera is always rolling.

Holiday Traditions

I love the holidays,  getting to see people is the best part of it.   I have to say that my college tradition was a big success, all the food and the family around.   I have  to say  that  we did good and it was good to see you all.  I feel that we missed out on alot of each others' lives and i think that we need to do better, i love my college buddies and m extended family.  Shout outs for Niki for being such a big help girl i didn't think that we were gonna make it.  Will for gracing us with his, how did he put it?  "sexiness at the party."   Carrie for keeping all the kids under control, and  everyone for basically making this a great memory  i love you guys.

Friendships

I just want to let it be known how important my friends are to me.   If you know me well then you know that you should be able to come talk to me about what ever it is.   i'm that friend that has put sugar in a few gas tanks and flattened a few tires for the sake of friendship.   this particular part of my blog is for one person in particular (and they know who they are.)   If you ever need me call me, there is nothin that i would not do for my friends just always remember that.


Trifflin  Dudes

I think that i mentioned it before but was talking to a friend of mine who was telling me about a trifling  guy that was in her life.  All i have to say is that if i see this person anywhere it is on, b/c i have 50 things that i want to punch, kick and  curse you out for.  All i'm going to say is if I'm fortunant  enough that my words will pass your eyes then what i have to say right now is this.   You jerk, i don't know who you thought you were using my friend the way you did, if we ever have the pleasure of passing each other in the street or in the grocery store, then just be ready for me to put on the biggest show of my life.   If we should never meet then all I got to say is, baby when your time comes and karma bites you in the ass i hope it hurts so bad that you can never sit again.   It's one thing to just act like you have to act right, but it is another thing to strip a person of everything, to break them to a point to where they are to defeated to do anything about their situation.  The bible says that you will reap what you sowe. 


On that note i would say it was time to close this down, because i felt myself getting emotional and it was going to take me to a place i did not want to go.   until next all goodnight