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Thursday, December 1, 2011

Relationships: How to Deal with the Insecurities with Girlfriends and Friends

Yo and hello to my readers, I hope all of you have been enjoying the holidays and the extra pounds that accompany holiday food.   I’ve had an epiphany (for those not familiar, a reckoning, and manifestation).   I’ve sat here and thought long and hard about this blog that I work so hard on, I wonder if anybody really gets anything out of it?  The stuff that I write about is important to some decree.  It does not save lives but, I would think that people’s opinions are something to be thought on.  How do you try to make some noise with just one voice?  Well I’ve decided to go weekly now.  I’ll pick a topic for the month and there will be sub topics that way I can get the reading public that I believe that I so richly deserve.  And here we go…

Relationships:  How to Deal with the Insecurities with Girlfriends and Friends

I’m having this conversation with a lot of my friends.  It’s always.  “Why is she so jealous of my female friends?”   This one is for all of the guys out there that have a girlfriend who are currently having this problem.

Where should we start with this one?  Guys, since the beginning of time we woman have always secretly hated each other. We smile in each other’s face and call each other best friends, but at the same time,  when she leaves the room we call her a bitch and then hate on her because she has something we want.  Now I know a lot of women, present company included, will not admit to this.   A co worker of mine (a man) did say that the biggest difference between men and woman is that when it comes to competition, women are secretly competitive.  I agree with this statement, because after all, competition is a huge motivator.  It ignites something in you that makes you want to be at your best.  It’s not something that we get over easily.  It grows tenfold when a man is involved, because let’s face it, no one likes to be second best when the affections of a man is involved.

The insecurities that we have with men are so many.  We get intimidated by our men having these female friends.  Why, because it makes us wonder if when men have those secret fantasies (which they will never own up to) is that the girl that he sees in them?  I hang out with a lot of guys and when the girl friend is brought in there are usually daggers being thrown into the mix.  I was told that my friend’s girl told him that all of his female friends look like super models and that makes her crazy.   Now at the point of pissing this chick off further, if she is reading this I would say that she needs to really get over herself.  You telling a grown ass man that he can’t have friends of the opposite sex is crazy.  That goes the same for the men out there, because let’s be honest, insecurities are not gender specific.  There are some men out there that flip the fuck out if they see a dude’s name come across their girl’s phone.  Telling someone that they can’t be friends with someone else is basically calling the relationship quits.  

  My advice to the jealous female would be step your game up, as I said earlier competition is a huge motivator. There is a reason that he hangs out with these woman, not because he secretly wants them, but because they understand him on a whole other level that you have yet to comprehend.  My advise to my friend would be, if she is worth it and you really love her go ahead and play the fool, because I’m willing to bet that she probably has some guy friends  that may not be known to you, but they are there.  This is a touchy subject in relationships, a test of the wills I call it.   Either you will let you significant other run your life and tell you what you can and can’t do, or you will put your foot down.

In my relationship, I don’t care if L has women friends.  Yeah I want to meet them, and if they are better at something than me it would make me want to step my game up. Then again, L and I have been together for almost 5 years and we still do talk about everything including our friends.  I hang around a lot of guys, and I go out with them sometimes to movies and to dinner.  How did I get past that step you may ask? By making them understand that the friends you know aren’t that bad, invite them to hang out with the group. Then at least you can say that you tried to make her a part of your world.  Now this might not work all of the time, because let’s face it, a lot of people who aren’t really in the art industry may not really feel welcomed in our circle. It will just piss them off even more that you have a group of people that are into the same things as you. All you can do is try to educate them on why your art is so important to you. L is not a writer but we compromise, he reads what I write and accompanies me to any artsy thing I want to go to.  I in turn listen to him talk about his computers and electronics, also letting him teach me things that I might need to know about technology period.  A relationship can be built when two people are completely different; it’s all about how hard are you willing to try to be with that other person.

I know that I may appear to be rambling on and some of you have lost the point, but it’s in there somewhere.  So try to understand one another and who knows maybe you’ll have what we call soul mate material. If you really have to change who you are in the end just because your significant other has a problem with your friends, then I would have to say shame on you for punking out and  not sticking to your guns.  If you’re still turning this whole scenario over in your mind wondering which road to take, then consult your friends.  After all, who really knows you better than your friends?  If they are real friends they will take into consideration all aspects including your happiness.

I suppose that is all for now until next time.

~Original Lynn~


  1. I want to first apologize to you because it took me so long for me to get around to reading this. I so agree with you on this because I have a good amount of female friends and I remember being in a relationship where my partner was always so jealous of them. Notice I am talking about the past because I will never attempt to appease the situation...hell Im not trying to be arrogant when I say this but I would say Im in the Handsome isle in the grocery story where ladies like to shop if you catch my metaphor. At the end of the day trust your partner...

  2. As per your request.....here I am. Now lets get started! I in complete agreement with you on the secretly competitive nature of some women. However, I think this mistrust or insecurity issue goes a lot deeper in most cases. Let me begin with mistrust: Your mate doesn't like you having friends of the opposite sex because they have or are messing with one of their "friends." Now that they are feeling guilty they think that you may be doing the same. On the other hand it can be an insecurity issue caused by someone in their past that cheated on them with a so called "friend." In another situation it could be what you started to hit on with your mate not understanding or being a part of an aspect of your life. You can try to include them but you and your mate both have to remember that all of your friends are not friends with one another. YOU should know what company does not mix, so don't try to mix it. For example I have separate groups of male friends that I hang out with one group likes to keep it low key but the other love to go out drink and be the centers of attention. Because I can relate to both sides I hang with both groups but I would not try to mix two causing an uncomfortable situation. In finishing I feel that if you or your mate are insecure a step back needs to be taken to resolve those issues before the relationship moves any further. Until those issues are resolved you are doomed.