The Definition of a Bad Girl

So, I’ve neglected my writing.  I feel like I need to get back into it, because I need an outlet.  I feel that there are so many factors in my life that I don’t have control over.  Everything is coming so fast.  I have to say that so far this year I have grown a lot as a person.  Self growth is important to me because it lets me know that I’m one step closer to where I want to go in life. 

As I sit here in my bed cruising through the channels on the television I come across the Oxygen channel with the Bad girls club Chicago.  The first thing that comes to mind is how in the world all of these chicks could go on national television with all their problems and insecurities to help spike ratings.  As this question is set in my mind I began to focus on the show.  These girls are different in many ways. (Race, walks of life, and attitudes) are still so alike because they all crave attention.  Sure two bitches beating the shit out of each other just because one did not feel like being bullied by the other, can be entertaining for a while.  But as I have to constantly remind myself is that thousands of impressionable girls are watching this show, and are immolating what they see these other girls do. Hey it got them their fifteen minutes of fame, so why not for them?

As I watch these girls on television making a spectacle of them, a hard truth hits me: Once upon a time that used to be me.  No, I won’t go as far to say that I was a bully, but I was the one that was always quick to pop off and be in a fight.  I did spend a great deal of my childhood fighting.  Even when I was in my early 20s I spent most of my time fighting other girls, and for what, not really sure.  As far back as I can remember for every year that past I would do an evaluation on myself.  I would examine my failures and my successes.  If you could imagine in the beginning my failures were greater; from failure in my goals right down to my family and romantic relationships.  With each passing year I found my successes have outnumbered my failures.  These things have helped me grow into a better me.

Yes, I do have an atomic temper.  It is not good to make me mad, because I go to a dark place.  That is still one of my bigger character flaws that I am working on.  People try so hard to take you out of your element, out of your character.  That’s nothing but the devil in disguise.  I rebuke that.  Some of the triggers for my temper are when I feel like I’m being attacked.  Back in my day I would not hesitate to put my hands on someone.  Now, it’s like what does it solve?  Me fighting someone is not going to make me feel better.  I worry that some of these girls out here are watching this show and are looking to these girls as role models.  This is not the definition of a bad girl.

The true definition of a bad girl is a woman who can go through all of the terrible curves that life throws at her and still be able to live.  To work hard for what she wants even though she knows that the odds are greatly stacked against her.  To be classy and professional at all times.  I don’t think that I am all the way there.  I am a work in progress.  The bad things that have happened to me do not define me: they only help build my character stronger.  I don’t believe that I am damaged; I change every year into a more appealing young lady.

I am not by any means telling anyone to boycott watching bad girls club.  We all find ratchet television entertaining to some level.  But all I’m saying is please teach our young girls out there something more than just how to be baby mommas and whores.  Teach them that presentation is key no matter where they go. Teach them that being original is way better than being part of the crowd.  Advise them that you can be sexy while still being classy.  As I watch these girls try to use fame to hide behind being insecure, I shake my head, because they are going about it the wrong way.  Stop using the Bad girl’s club   house as a step program to fix you.  You can do that on your own.

Last thought I’ll leave for the night.  Just stop and thank God that you don’t look like what you’ve been through.  If that were the case, there would be no prosperous young women.  Just some food for  thought.

Dedication to a Fallen Soldier

I Dedicate this blog in three parts.  First, to my late cousin Chris Thompson Rest in paradise, we love you. To my Thompson relations, just know that God got y’all, and lastly, to every mother that has ever had to lay her son to rest too soon in life.

So I’m wondering, when did the world get so messed up?  No really, we as a people used to have honor. What happened to that?  I’m still waiting for an answer to that one.  I don’t understand what makes people want to take someone’s life.  I try to get my mind there and to be honest, it’s a scary place.  The reasons I came up with are jealousy, anger, or to prove something. Those don’t seem like good reasons to me.  Matter of fact they suck.

  Jealousy is not supposed to get that far out of hand to where I want to kill you, we are all jealous people at some point.  So does that mean that I have that right to take your life because I’m not happy with myself? No it does not.  If anything jealousy should fuel a fire to make you work harder to be that person that you want to be.

Anger is not any better.  Yes, we all get upset sometimes, but that still doesn’t mean that we should be so quick to pick up a gun.  Find another way to take your frustrations out. I have to say when I found out that my cousin had died, I was angry.  He was supposed to live a long and happy life.  Buy his first house, meet the girl of his dreams and marry, have children, and die of old age.  That didn’t happen.  He was cut down in the prime of his life because someone decided that they wanted to play God.  When I watched my Cousin Crissy talk to the reporters that day and tell them that she was ok with Chris’ death, just not ok with how he got there, my heart broke all over again.  She should not have to say goodbye to her son. It’s not right.  I have to say though my cousin, Crissy, is my hero. To watch her face this situation with such grace and dignity, as she went through the motions of planning a funeral, taking care of my two  younger cousins and just comforting everyone else, made me admire her even more.  My cousin is the definition of a strong black woman.

To me the worst reason of the three, to prove something, is the biggest load of bullshit I’ve ever heard.  You want to prove something to someone. Then prove that you are not a coward. To shoot someone from behind when they are not expecting it is nothing more than a cowards move.  I’m tired of people saying that they are real thugs.  If you were a real thug then you would have afforded my cousin the courtesy of fighting back.  You would not have waited in the shadows for him to get home.  In the streets there was once a thing called honor, we all were supposed to live by it.  So because someone else was out there trying to prove something Chris had to die?  That doesn’t work for me either.

So the message is this.  Instead of running around taking other people’s lives, do yourself a favor, save your own life.  This life is not for the faint of heart.  As I walked by his casket and saw him there so at peace I knew that he was going to be alright. He got to leave this troubled world to go to a better.  Chris was a good person and did not deserve what happened to him.  I was amazed at how many people were really affected by his passing. When the minister called for those to join the church and walk away from that life, many people went up there.  Because that happened I was touched.  He really did make a difference in his short life.  We can go at anytime, people need to realize that this world is going to hell in a hand basket make sure you get right with Jesus before it’s too late.

To the other families that have lost their sons, my heart goes out to you and I continue to pray for you all. To my cousins Crissy, Nikki and Gerri: I love you all so much and if you need me, I’m just a phone call away.  To my readers, I hope that this one touches you in some way and makes you think about your own lives.

Peace and God Bless