The Definition of a Bad Girl

So, I’ve neglected my writing.  I feel like I need to get back into it, because I need an outlet.  I feel that there are so many factors in my life that I don’t have control over.  Everything is coming so fast.  I have to say that so far this year I have grown a lot as a person.  Self growth is important to me because it lets me know that I’m one step closer to where I want to go in life. 

As I sit here in my bed cruising through the channels on the television I come across the Oxygen channel with the Bad girls club Chicago.  The first thing that comes to mind is how in the world all of these chicks could go on national television with all their problems and insecurities to help spike ratings.  As this question is set in my mind I began to focus on the show.  These girls are different in many ways. (Race, walks of life, and attitudes) are still so alike because they all crave attention.  Sure two bitches beating the shit out of each other just because one did not feel like being bullied by the other, can be entertaining for a while.  But as I have to constantly remind myself is that thousands of impressionable girls are watching this show, and are immolating what they see these other girls do. Hey it got them their fifteen minutes of fame, so why not for them?

As I watch these girls on television making a spectacle of them, a hard truth hits me: Once upon a time that used to be me.  No, I won’t go as far to say that I was a bully, but I was the one that was always quick to pop off and be in a fight.  I did spend a great deal of my childhood fighting.  Even when I was in my early 20s I spent most of my time fighting other girls, and for what, not really sure.  As far back as I can remember for every year that past I would do an evaluation on myself.  I would examine my failures and my successes.  If you could imagine in the beginning my failures were greater; from failure in my goals right down to my family and romantic relationships.  With each passing year I found my successes have outnumbered my failures.  These things have helped me grow into a better me.

Yes, I do have an atomic temper.  It is not good to make me mad, because I go to a dark place.  That is still one of my bigger character flaws that I am working on.  People try so hard to take you out of your element, out of your character.  That’s nothing but the devil in disguise.  I rebuke that.  Some of the triggers for my temper are when I feel like I’m being attacked.  Back in my day I would not hesitate to put my hands on someone.  Now, it’s like what does it solve?  Me fighting someone is not going to make me feel better.  I worry that some of these girls out here are watching this show and are looking to these girls as role models.  This is not the definition of a bad girl.

The true definition of a bad girl is a woman who can go through all of the terrible curves that life throws at her and still be able to live.  To work hard for what she wants even though she knows that the odds are greatly stacked against her.  To be classy and professional at all times.  I don’t think that I am all the way there.  I am a work in progress.  The bad things that have happened to me do not define me: they only help build my character stronger.  I don’t believe that I am damaged; I change every year into a more appealing young lady.

I am not by any means telling anyone to boycott watching bad girls club.  We all find ratchet television entertaining to some level.  But all I’m saying is please teach our young girls out there something more than just how to be baby mommas and whores.  Teach them that presentation is key no matter where they go. Teach them that being original is way better than being part of the crowd.  Advise them that you can be sexy while still being classy.  As I watch these girls try to use fame to hide behind being insecure, I shake my head, because they are going about it the wrong way.  Stop using the Bad girl’s club   house as a step program to fix you.  You can do that on your own.

Last thought I’ll leave for the night.  Just stop and thank God that you don’t look like what you’ve been through.  If that were the case, there would be no prosperous young women.  Just some food for  thought.

Dedication to a Fallen Soldier

I Dedicate this blog in three parts.  First, to my late cousin Chris Thompson Rest in paradise, we love you. To my Thompson relations, just know that God got y’all, and lastly, to every mother that has ever had to lay her son to rest too soon in life.

So I’m wondering, when did the world get so messed up?  No really, we as a people used to have honor. What happened to that?  I’m still waiting for an answer to that one.  I don’t understand what makes people want to take someone’s life.  I try to get my mind there and to be honest, it’s a scary place.  The reasons I came up with are jealousy, anger, or to prove something. Those don’t seem like good reasons to me.  Matter of fact they suck.

  Jealousy is not supposed to get that far out of hand to where I want to kill you, we are all jealous people at some point.  So does that mean that I have that right to take your life because I’m not happy with myself? No it does not.  If anything jealousy should fuel a fire to make you work harder to be that person that you want to be.

Anger is not any better.  Yes, we all get upset sometimes, but that still doesn’t mean that we should be so quick to pick up a gun.  Find another way to take your frustrations out. I have to say when I found out that my cousin had died, I was angry.  He was supposed to live a long and happy life.  Buy his first house, meet the girl of his dreams and marry, have children, and die of old age.  That didn’t happen.  He was cut down in the prime of his life because someone decided that they wanted to play God.  When I watched my Cousin Crissy talk to the reporters that day and tell them that she was ok with Chris’ death, just not ok with how he got there, my heart broke all over again.  She should not have to say goodbye to her son. It’s not right.  I have to say though my cousin, Crissy, is my hero. To watch her face this situation with such grace and dignity, as she went through the motions of planning a funeral, taking care of my two  younger cousins and just comforting everyone else, made me admire her even more.  My cousin is the definition of a strong black woman.

To me the worst reason of the three, to prove something, is the biggest load of bullshit I’ve ever heard.  You want to prove something to someone. Then prove that you are not a coward. To shoot someone from behind when they are not expecting it is nothing more than a cowards move.  I’m tired of people saying that they are real thugs.  If you were a real thug then you would have afforded my cousin the courtesy of fighting back.  You would not have waited in the shadows for him to get home.  In the streets there was once a thing called honor, we all were supposed to live by it.  So because someone else was out there trying to prove something Chris had to die?  That doesn’t work for me either.

So the message is this.  Instead of running around taking other people’s lives, do yourself a favor, save your own life.  This life is not for the faint of heart.  As I walked by his casket and saw him there so at peace I knew that he was going to be alright. He got to leave this troubled world to go to a better.  Chris was a good person and did not deserve what happened to him.  I was amazed at how many people were really affected by his passing. When the minister called for those to join the church and walk away from that life, many people went up there.  Because that happened I was touched.  He really did make a difference in his short life.  We can go at anytime, people need to realize that this world is going to hell in a hand basket make sure you get right with Jesus before it’s too late.

To the other families that have lost their sons, my heart goes out to you and I continue to pray for you all. To my cousins Crissy, Nikki and Gerri: I love you all so much and if you need me, I’m just a phone call away.  To my readers, I hope that this one touches you in some way and makes you think about your own lives.

Peace and God Bless

Injustice in the world

I am enraged at this present moment. As I’m sure many of you are.  For the longest time I’ve been trying to figure out this thing called the American Dream.  People have always described our nation as “The Land of Opportunity” or “Home of the free Land of the Brave.”  I have a few names for America myself:

The Land of persecution. The Land where children come to die. The Land of injustice.  Right now I feel sick to death about this place that we come from, and I wish that I was anywhere but here.  I say this because when I watched them give the verdict on the Zimmerman case, I literally was sick to my stomach. One, because a man killed a child and the system in which we trust to govern our country, let him walk.  Two, that poor family that will never get to watch their son grow up just breaks my heart.

 People think once again that I am mad because it was a black kid that got shot.  I’m sorry, but that’s not it. I would still be mad either way if the kid had of been black, white, or purple. A child’s life is a life no matter what the color.  Let’s take race out of it for a minute.  A lot of you out there have children, and you love them for who they are not what they can or can’t do.  If someone did exactly what Zimmerman did to your child, you all would be singing a different tune.  All of you saying that you have to get off of face book because you don’t want to deal with the injustices of this world. It’s weak.

The world we live in has changed from what we once knew.  It is a more savage place.  A lot of you are thinking “So what another black kid got killed, it was bound to happen to him anyway right?”  Why does that have to be the mantra for black people, that we are destined to die?  We have futures when given the chance. A few months back some crazy nut shot up an elementary school and the whole world felt sorry about all the people that were murdered.  If I may point out not all of those children were white.  People of all races tweeted about how pissed they were, those children were victims cut down too early in life.  If that psycho was still alive to be prosecuted and he walked everyone would be pissed.  So how is it ok to just pick and choose injustices?

The defense tried to paint Zimmerman as a model citizen.  They said that he had awesome grades in school, and that he was a member of a lot of clubs.  Ok, what the hell does that have to do with anything?  You could be the smartest person in the world and still be a murderer. Last time I checked it wasn’t an academic requirement for your level of humanism.

Since I’ve made that point now, I would like to give a shout out to our judicial system and say thanks for being such a monumental disappointment.  In this particular case you basically stated that it was ok to shoot an unarmed child, and still get to walk around free.  This is one of the reasons why President Obama is trying to advocate for gun control.  It’s apparent that not everyone should be able to own a fire arm.  I just want to say that my heart goes out to the Martin family.  It’s not fair that they don’t get to take their son home and get to watch him grow up into a man.  Instead they had to put him in the ground, how do you as a parent move on from that?  One thing is for sure, No matter what race you are. Losing a child still hurts and it’s a pain that you’ll carry forever.

Zimmerman may be walking around free and smiling that he literally got away with murder. But it’s not over. Someone out there who does not care what happens to them will take it to the streets and then people are going to see what happens.  Just remember that not everyone is a god fearing, law abiding citizen. But hey everyone has their own definition of justice, and it’s not always right. I for one have never been one for vigilant justice but, to each his own.

Now you know why America is now known as what it is. This place just lets these bad parents, rapists, child molesters, and murderers just walk free, and they don’t have to pay for what they’ve done here on earth.  I don’t want to be a part of a country that would allow something like that. I am a god fearing woman and I do believe that when we pass on that we sinners will have to answer for everything that we have done.  Some of us have more to answer for than others.  

In closing, a great person by the name of Rev. Dr. Marin Luther King Jr. once said:

“Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere”

I think that we as people need to be reminded of that.

Peace be upon you

Reflection

 

 

Will the Real Lynn Allen Please Stand Up: Reflection of 2012

 

Greetings all, I hope that you all have had a wonderful holiday season with your family. Mine was as interesting as it usually is.  So, at this time of year I usually do the same thing every year. I like to reflect back on this past year before I go into the new one. I’m not going to make any resolutions that I know that I will break, instead I will reflect on this year and think of what I will do to be even better next year.  I say this because I don’t think that I had a bad year. I actually had quite the opposite.

I was on my face book page and I went through and it gave me the option to see my top 20 moments of this year.  Funny thing is I feel like a lot of great things happened this year. I got engaged to the most wonderful guy. I met a lot of cool new people. I got to actually get to know my nephews a little better this year and spend more time with my sister.  Furthermore, I also got to spend time with my father, which I did not think that was going to happen.

I also did experience some rough situations. I said good bye to my great aunt, Julia; and to L’s grandfather.  I also witnessed the emotional meltdown of soon to be ex-step mother. Not to mention, I also cut off a few unhealthy friendships with people that I felt had already fulfilled their purpose in my life.  I also saw a lot of pain capture America as some nut job shot up a movie theater full of people.  The one horrible thing that I will never forget about this year would be the massacre of children at the Sandy Hope Elementary School.  The fact that 20 innocent, beautiful children lost their lives because someone else did not value their own life still haunts my dreams. My thoughts and prayers are still with those families.

The one thing that I hope to take from this year is to be more aware of my surroundings. In this day in age, people are getting craftier when it comes to trying to screw you over.  People are not afraid to throw their lives away or yours for that matter. In addition people are even quicker to smile in your face, and then in the blink of an eye throw you under the bus.

If I could wish for anything in the coming year, it would be more patience. Patience will carry me far if I can just learn to shake off anyone that tries to attack me. Truth be told I’ve softened over the years.  There was once a time that I just didn’t care. I would say what I had to say and I didn’t care if it hurt. My mouth is my biggest flaw, and I know that.  However, it is something that I am working on.  Also in previous years I would also hold a grudge. I had a hard time forgiving people for their follies and vices towards me. Now I’ve learned to shake it off.  No, the relationship will not be the same.  I’ll be forgiving and not bring up the past, but I will also watch closely to make sure that I don’t walk into another situation from the past.  What’s that old saying?

“Fool me once, shame on you; Fool me twice shame on me.”

 

Opening the Door

 

 

Will the Real Lynn Allen Please Stand Up: Opening the Door

Greetings to you all; I’m pretty sure that by the end of this I will lose some readers, but at the same time I hope to gain some.  I am very glad that President Obama will be serving another term.  Yes a bunch of you want to cry and say that he ruined this country, but what do you expect to happen when you inherit an economically damaged country. You didn’t honestly think that all this shit would go away after four years? If you did think that then you learned nothing through life and the changing of the times.

Martin Luther King Jr. said it best:

“All progress is precarious, and the solution of one problem brings us face to face with another problem”

 

In order for us to really get anywhere, a lot of battles have been fought. Our ancestors marched for us to make better decisions. The president will not be able to clean this mess up over night, it will take time. Patience is a virtue.

During this election I have sat by idle watching people and seeing how they react. So now I will address it all. To those of you who did not vote but have the nerve to be on face book posting these ridiculous statements, you know nothing; because if you really cared about how things turned out you should have taken an interest.  You tried to close the door on the low percentile, but we kicked it in.

For those of you who are barely making it and had the nerve to go for a candidate because of the color of his skin and not his principles, shame on you.  Here I was thinking that we left this racist thing behind in the past, guess I wrong. I’m not sure how your parents raised you, but mine raised me to see that the world is not just black and white; to embrace the many shades of grey in between.

I was sad to read the many hateful statements that were posted on twitter. There was one that stuck out to me that made me realize that people really are cruel. I’m almost ashamed to repost it because I was as taken aback as some of you may be, but here it is

(see bottom of blog)

The first part was bad enough b/c you’re talking about someone’s family. Those girls did not ask for their father to be president, which is just where their path in life lead them. The second part referring to Romney as a king and saying that she hopes that he passes a law to make African American people slaves because she doesn’t like doing stuff for herself was the jaw dropping moment for me. (Girl Get ya life).
 My friend Jeremy was right, someone needs to back hand this chick. So, I’m supposed to work hard and clean up after you and be treated as a lesser person?  I must have missed the memo that we were stepping back into Civil War times.  I hope that my blog makes it way to this misguided child.  Honey, people did not march and die so that we could go backwards. Stop looking at the situation as a black man is in the oval office, just respect the position.  People are under the impression that I would have been less than cooperative if Romney had won.  Let me be clear on this even if the president had been a white man I still would have respected the position; I don’t have to like him but I do have  to respect that he is the commanding officer of this nation.

Moving on from that, Romney being white or how much money he has  did not have anything to with me not liking him, It was about what he stood for.  Romney wanted to take away PBS; that would not have been a smart move. You want to take away a channel that has a lot of educational television shows that help today’s youth grow.  How much sense does that make? Our youth today are already running the streets and not knowing how to speak proper English. Just imagine what would have happened if PBS was taken off the air, I don’t think that I would want to see that future.

Furthermore, there is the issue about abortion.  I am a woman and if I do not want to have a child that should be my choice. The government does not own my body. I personally don’t favor abortion; but think of your daughters, sisters, nieces, and wives. What if someone raped them and a child was created out of that?  Rape it’s self is a traumatic experience in its self. To not be given a choice is just like not having your own mind. People are going to do what they wanted to do and yes we understand that when judgment day comes, that is going to be up to that person to be prepared to meet God. We are not a perfect people; we do mess up from time to time.

I’ve always said that the movie, Head of State with Chris Rock, was a premonition. Things are coming to past as written. Instead of being upset help keep the door open. After all if one of us makes it out to a better life, why would you want to shut that door for others to follow. We constantly set ourselves up for failure when we leave others behind.
 Peace be upon you all .

 

 

 

 

The Wedding Diaries: Getting It Together

 

 

The Wedding Diaries: Getting it Together

Hello all my lovely readers. I hope you are having a wonderful day.  Me, I am actually still in my PJ’s, debating on if I should go into the kitchen and make some coffee.  So, I’m looking at the calendar and I’m realizing that it’s almost one year until my wedding day.  So naturally it’s time to get started on planning the most important day of my life.  A lot of people have asked why I don’t have a wedding planner. I’ve decided that my sister, Makiba, my best friend, Corinna, and I will be my wedding planners.  A lot of people are telling me that this process is going to stress me out, but they have not seen me work magic in a crisis.

We are already narrowing down our choices for venues.  I just have to work on the guest list. I would like to put a disclaimer out and say that L and I come from pretty big families and that if I don’t send you an invite, please don’t be mad, we are working on a budget and I don’t purposely want to leave anyone out, but money really is an object here.

On the note of who will be in my bridal party I’ve only decided on Makiba and Corinna. I’m still working on the rest, because frankly some of my friends make me really nervous.  When I say nervous I mean I watch them going through life and all the curves that it throws; and I wonder if they will be able to juggle that and be able to live up to my expectations. Let’s be honest, being a bride’s maid is more than just standing up there with the bride and looking pretty; there is a lot of work that goes into it. I need to see how I’m going to narrow this down.  I think that I have a plan on how I can do that, more on that in a later edition of my blog.

Another thing to work on is L and I. Why do we need to work on us, because no relationship is perfect. In a previous blog I wrote that L and I needed to work on our spiritual relationship with God.  The steps that we are taking to do that are to actively find a church that we can become members of together. Not to mention most church members also take a class before they get married and that is what we are trying to do now.  We have a church in mind, which is good.

Sorry this one was so short.  Until next time.

The Wedding Diaries: Lead by Example

The Wedding Diaries: Lead by Example

So I’m wondering about marriage in general.  I don’t exactly come from a family that is known for staying married.  Matter of fact, I can honestly say that both of my parents have been married multiple times and have failed at it. When people don’t stay together and you are a child you wonder all sorts of things.  Was the reason for them not working out my fault? What could I have done better?  All these questions remain unanswered as a child.  But then as 1 Corinthians 13:11 states.

“When I was a child I spake as a child, I thought as a child and I understood as a child.  When I became a man I put away childish things.”

It’s funny how as an adult you don’t ask those same longing questions.  You see what is there right in front of your eyes. I watched divorce twice already and I’ll watch it again.   The first time I was three and even though I was only three, it did not take a genius to figure out that my father was not coming with us. On my mother’s word; it’s entirely his fault.  Men are just always fire starters and they don’t think about who would gets burned. All of it was meaningless jabber to me at three.  When I was 15 my father was at his second divorce and even then the wicked lady stated that it was his entire fault.  At 15 I had more sense.  Problems don’t just come from one person; it takes two to cause a problem. So the "all his fault not mine" excuse started to be primitive bullshit.

Now the third one, I thought that I liked her. I actually saw the remnants of some sort of family.  Then came the accusations and the comments about me being fat and ungrateful. The final straw was watching the total discontent that she had for my father in front of his children. If married people disagree it should be behind closed doors, no one should be able to see that you have a problem.

Adult figures have been telling me my whole life to have respect for my elders, say please and thank you. How am I to learn all these things when I see these so called "adults" in my life behaving badly? You tell us to be one way but yet you are hypocritical. I would never teach my children that.

One of the things that I hope that I take into my marriage is to be able to talk about my problems with L openly. Watching that bitch fest this past weekend awakened something in me.  I know that sometimes I complain and sometimes I want things to be perfect.  On the way home I had to apologize to my fiancée because I don’t ever want to be that way. I don’t want to be a person that marries multiple times. I only want to do this once and hopefully God will bless my marriage to where I will not have to.

Well these are the dull musings of my wandering mind.  Comment if you want. Be blessed.

~Original Lynn~