Popular Posts

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Will The Real Lynn Allen Please Stand Up: The June Edition 2011

Will The Real Lynn Allen Please Stand Up : the June Edition
Yo and hello to all my readers I want to say I hope that everyone had a great month. I am currently
on vacation enjoying my time off. Between the crazy changes at my day time job and the need to
seriously consider employment elsewhere, it was time for a break. So I took a vacation and have to
say that I really missed my best friend, Corinna. I dedicate this edition partially to Boston. I also want
to dedicate to the troops that are overseas; we thank you for risking your freedom to protect us. In
addition, I want to let you know about a blessing that has come my way. My webpage for my blog is
fully operational. All editions of my blog will be on www.thereallynnallen.blogspot.com, please make
sure to subscribe to my page for short stories and my blog, I would greatly appreciate more comments
and my readers opinions on topics they would like to be brought up. Finally I would like to give birthday
shout outs to my peoples Julie Waitman, Marquita Palmer, RaShaun “Scope Kid” Wilson, Kevin Jordan,
Jamil Winfield, Alex Brown, Quiana Hairston, and Chris “NC” Ross, may god continue to bless each of
The Rules of Boston
What can I honestly say here? Boston was both entertaining and educational. It is one of the most
beautiful cities that I have ever had the pleasure of laying eyes on; however there were a few cons. First
off my head hurt listing to all of those definitive Yankee vowels. I got a kick out of watching everyone
pronounce the word Car (Ka-ARE) as Ca (Ca –Ah). The roads are completely effed up. The pot holes are
so damn big you could take a bath in them (not that you would want to). If Charlotte PD where in Boston
they would not have a problem meeting their quota for the month b/c there would be too many moving
violations to count. The interstate was not any better, you have all these crazy people that just drive on
the shoulder of the road as I’m watching all the speed demons on the road just whisk past and not even
think twice, one thing comes to mind: Who the hell is giving all of these people licenses? My personal
favorite thing was just watching people cut us off without putting on the turn signal. Yes, I know I know,
I am aware that there are some people in charlotte who do that frequently, in the glorified state of
Massachusetts, everyone just thinks that the turn signal is just a pretty light that was added to their auto
mobile for show. Fact: the turn signal does serve a purpose, use it in every other state you visit, but in
true Bostonian fashion when you do turn on the signal just make sure you wipe the drool off of your
awe struck face while the car is at a complete stop.
How the Doctor Got His Groove Back
Ok, I was watching this news story on tv about a doctor who is facing charges for raping the nurse
that works at his office. Stories like this make me a little nervous to go in for a checkup. A doctor is
a shady profession anyway, If you are a doctor, then feel free to prove me wrong. Let’s examine the
fact, half of you men out there that are doctors stumbled into that profession because it would give you
an excuse to feel a girl up. I think that it is disgusting, what makes you some damn interesting at the
job that I would want to sleep with you? I’m pretty sure that we all are the object of someone’s crazy
office fantasy that makes me want to start having security escort me to my car, (then again security is
looking pretty suspect now a days). So to you doctors that feel it’s cool to rape a fellow co worker, just
remember the vows you took, “Do no harm.” Perhaps we should have them add in “Do no nurses.”
Parents at Graduations
Who knew that mothers could be so vicious when it comes to their child graduating, and I can attest to
that. I could never understand how a parent could be the one stressed about their child’s graduation
because after all, they have to do nothing except sit there and scream “that’s my baby” into the crowd
when the name gets called. At least that is what was thought until I spent five days with my best
friend’s mother. It was the most exciting, crazy, stressful time ever, and I loved every minute of it. I
know in high school it doesn’t seem to matter much, college is a different story. When a parent spends
a fortune on classes that help their child obtain a piece of paper that says that they are ready for the
world and a new life, of course they are going to take an interest. This one lady got Mad at Roxie (Cori’s
mom) for not letting her stand in the seat that she was saving to take a photo. He made this big deal
about how her child was graduating; I wanted to let her know that her kid was not the only important
one. I have to say the thing that bothered me the most was this was a private school and I’m seeing
people walk around in tube socks and sweat pants. How embarrassing is it to stand there on one of
the most important days of your child’s life looking like a third rate citizen? Does that mean that you’re
going to show up to their wedding wearing crocks and an oversized white tee? So I’m guessing that you
spent all the money on your kids education, you couldn’t go get a cheap suit on credit? I got two words
for you people EPIC FAIL!!
Tattoos Equals Interesting Stories
I love when I meet people with tattoos. Believe it or not, but they are actually good conversation
starters. While I was getting a mani/pedi today I notice the lady next to me had a very interesting ankle
piece. I commented that I liked it and it lead to the store of her having to get the original one covered
up because she was drunk at a party and just happened to cross paths with a guy with a tattoo gun. I
love tattoos; there is something about them that shows just how artsy people can be. The biggest turns
off about tattoos are name tattoos. It astounds me when I see girls my age and younger walking around
with some dude’s name on them. Why would you put a dude’s name on you unless it was your daddy,
or a relative that has died? So when I ask If the guy has her name tattooed anyone on his person, I hear
nothing but crickets in the background. So to you women that are walking around with some guys name
on your chest, and he is nowhere to be found, I would say I hope that he was worth it b/c I hear that
laser removal costs a fortune and hurts like a bitch.
Learning to Read Between the Lines
So I was talking to one of my girlfriends today and she asked the question of when I need something
from LJ, how do I get it? I was a little curious on this one, and asked her to elaborate. So the example
was if I needed money how would I go about asking him for it? I told my friend that I would just ask.
She then shakes her head at me with such disbelief and says that she doesn’t feel like she should have
to ask. I felt like I needed some clarification. She stated that if she needed something that she would
just say: “so my car is running low on gas.” And the guy is suppose to read between the lines and say;
“ok boo, let me pay for that for you?” I find that laughable because, gents, I hate to say it, but you guys
don’t really read between the lines. Dropping hints is just not the way to go. I find that men are straight
shooters, you tell them what you want and they give it to you if they have it. Some would consider this
concept as taking all the romance out of things. I would say that if I needed money then I’m gonna ask
for it, but if LJ would want to get me a gift then I would not be opposed to him buying me something
in the 24k gold category. See, with us women we can tell when a man wants something without
having to ask for it because we have this sixth since about things, if you don’t know then you better ask
To conclude I would really love it if everyone visited my blog page and left comments and leave some
ideas for the next one. Until next time..

Friday, May 20, 2011

Will The Real Lynn Allen Please Stand Up: The May Edition 2011

Hello to all of my wonderful readers, I hope you all had a
wonderful month. I would like to say
this month I have a real treat for
you, My Brother, J.T Foster, will
be appearing on my blog as a guest
blogger this month, I hope that he is entertaining as well as insightful to you
as I am. I would like to start off by
letting everyone know that we are not here to make you agree with us, but to make you think about things that
people are either too afraid to say or don’t really want to talk about. With that being said I would like to give
birthday shout outs to my home town Homies: Danielle Leake, Kendra Roberts Crystal Aiken, and Jena
Shelton Atwal. My cousin, Renesha I love
ya boo!!! My nephew Alex, happy birthday
baby and auntie loves you. My Sister,
Makiba Gadson Hall, Love ya sissy, my bro from another mother Dametrius (I love
you bookie) My College buddy Will Quinealty (happy birthday old man.) and my Homies Heather Schoolfield and
Valencia Ware, May God Bless you all with many more birthdays. I would also like to dedicate this edition
of the blog to the hard working US armed forces and the CIA.

Death of Bin Laden

I had all my topics all ready to go until I saw this on the
news. Bin Laden is dead. Now the first thing that I would like to say
is I’m about to celebrate. Now I know what
some people are thinking. But let me
shut it down. I do value human life, I believe
that everyone should get their chance to live their life; I however cannot
force myself to be sympathetic to anyone who can just end thousands of lives in
the blink of an eye. The visions of 9/11
still haunt me, as I’m sure it does everyone else. I can tell you what I was doing at that time
and I could picture it all like it happened yesterday. I can honestly say that I am glad that my
hard earned money is finally going to good use.
People these days are so quick to say “yes the system works, have faith
in it.” But it doesn’t always work, the
system is flawed, there have been many child molesters, rapist and god only
knows what else that have skated by the law without having to pay for what was
done. But this time I can say that yes
the system does work in our favor and for once it was a wonderful victory. Lastly on this my only hope is that this guy
suffered before he left this world, one life for thousands. I bet he’ll be pissed when he finds out that
no ice water in hell was not a rumor.

Obama for Second Term

A lot of people are starting to be on edge about the next
election. People are saying that
President Obama should not be in the running for a second term because he did
not do anything. I just want to say,
that I think that the previous statement is the biggest load of bullshit that I
have ever heard. Case and point, before
Obama this country was in billions of dollars of debt, yes that hasn’t really
changed alot but let it also be known that the previous president had 8 years
to completely screw us over. I think that for what was there to work with,
Obama is doing a great job. A lot of
people are also under the impression that I am standing firm on this b/c it’s a
black man in the office, but it isn’t even about that. If Obama had of been white I still would have
voted for him, b/c of what he stood for.
Him being black was a plus, not saying that black people run a country
better that the previous, because that is not the point. Racism has been a part of our history for the
longest time, and it gets old. So all of
you who are sitting here talking about how Obama sucks as a president I ask you
this: If you were elected and you
walked into the catastrophe that is our country, how would you deal with
it? Let me answer that for you: you wouldn’t because you can’t. If you who are claiming the worst of the
president were in office I would have to say that you’d either be impeached in
a week or probably be hiding in the oval office in the fetal position having a
breakdown. Then again if have of you
shit talkers were in the office I think I’d renounce my citizenship, b/c you
probably couldn’t even name the three branches of government, don’t worry, I’ll

Fashion Pet Peeve

Ok the latest fashion pet peeve that has been driving me
crazy is opened toed shoes sans pedicure.
Ladies half of you make me want to smack the hell out of you. Why because that shit is not cute. If I have to see one more scaly toed
B*&^$ walking around with open toed shoes on I’m gonna snap. I don’t know many men that love toes but, I know
that they are out there and I can imagine that seeing a woman wear peek a boo
pumps and her toes look like a battle of epic proportions is just a big turn
off. The fashion rule going forward
please get a pedicure before you decide to go out the house. Now for those of you who don’t know where to
go then you better make that where app work or you can go see my stylist,
Tracy, at Divi Nails and tell her I sent you, if you are that hard up for cash
then buy a do it yourself kit and fix your dogs.

The Definition of a Whore

My niece and I were having a conversation and she asked me
how I would define a whore. I laugh at
her and tell her that all women have the quality because it’s a little more
accepted for women to be a little more promiscuous now a days. So if you are not in a relationship, and I have
to use the term loosely for some women out there, because some are under the
impression that a relationship involves an ass beating every day. (Some people
actually get off on that.) Relationship
you guys are making future plans or if you’re engaged then this doesn’t apply. Those of you who are not in a relationship
can have a little fun. You can sleep
with a bunch of guys (just remember every person you sleep with has probably
had countless others and the ones who say that you are their first just played
you to the left. Think of it this way,
when you sleep with a guy/girl you’re sleeping with every other guy/girl that
they slept with (and trust me I’ve seen some of my ex’s others girls and it ain’t
pretty.) Once you get over that then
just remember that getting tested is a good thing, b/c you while you’ve given
up on that 100 coming your way to go mess with 80 you will end up with 20 and
that is not good. If you are a true
whore then you have guys lined up. When
I say lined up I mean bachelor number one was just at your house at 3pm and now
at 345pm bachelor number two is there.
Please note that there was no time for a shower in between so that not
only makes you a whore but it also makes you a dirty whore.

Can I Get an Amen?

By: JT Foster

I want to start off by saying if you are easily offended by people
having anything to say about

Church, then I suggests you skip to the next part of this blog. Now I
am one to keep it real, and those who

Know me know that I am not the biggest church going person at this
point in my life, but I respect the

Foundation and yearn to find a place to worship. It’s a very hard process;
as well we all know there are

Those who preach the written word and there are those who preach the
word between the lines, or should

I say, make up their own. It doesn’t make any since that a preacher
would have the nerve to talk about

How he sold this drug, and keeps mentioning it like T.I does in his
songs as if he is glorifying it, but then

say but I’m still here. He must listen to T.I because if I’m not
mistaken, he has a song called Dope Boy

N****, and glorifies selling drugs then say it’s a dead end career,
c’mon son. Then preaches about haters

for about 30 minutes, followed by saying he drove a BMW to church, and
he was the guest pastor from

NY….does anyone see the wrong in this. Then had two kids born out of
wedlock, now I don’t know how

old they are or when he was ordained so I can’t comment on that. Now no
one is perfect and a pastor

is still above no man and makes mistakes, but if this was the President
Barrack Obama preacher saying

those things, everyone in the United States would be like wt*. I mean
for a moment I thought I was in the

Kanye West video when he was dancing in Jesus Walks because the guest
pastor was getting it in and

some in attendance joined him. Where are the churches where the
preacher teaches without the theatrics

saying….haaaaa every other word and hmmmmm… that’s not the Holy Spirit,
that’s television. Now the

preacher of this church was a genuine preacher and I could tell by his
vernacular and how he talked to me

and not down to me. As well the choir was phenomenal.

Also while in church, I noticed that the sermon started an hour after
the service started, then we wonder

why black people never can be anywhere on time. The place we go to
every Sunday doesn’t even start

when it starts. I mean if you only go for the word of god why show up
on time I guess? We show up late

to doctor appointments, meetings, clubs, birthday parties, family
gatherings, and if we had the control of

our labor date, probably ever African American child would be born
late. Now on the flip side, would if

the sermon was in the beginning, people would really miss the word of
God. I bet the same people who

missed the sermon would still call themselves true Christians. Let that
sit on your brain a little bit. Thou

shall not make the rock wait to be praised, and I’m not talking about
the great one in the WWE. (Corinthians

10:4….for those who didn’t know) Can I get an Amen…………………….

Well that is
all for this month I hope you all have a great one and comments are definantly
a must.

One Love