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Saturday, December 31, 2011

Relationships: The Impact of Religious Beliefs

Relationships :  The Impact of Religious Beliefs

One of the biggest things that I see people tip toe around in relationships is religion.  There are a lot of inter racial couples out there and so many different types of religions;  but like in relationships religion is like the elephant in the room.  No one wants to talk about it; it’s a topic that no one wants to speak of, like Voldemort’s name.  People now days are scared of getting involved in a person’s religion, because with every religion there are different sets of rules and how do you know if you are breaking them.  People say that that it is better to find someone who shares the same religion, that it’s so much easier if you believe in the same things.  However, it does not always turn out that way.  Even if you do have someone that claims to have the same faith as you, but how the hell do you believe in anything when you can’t even embrace it in a place of worship?

Statistically speaking more than 90 percent of American men say that they believe in god, five out of six of those men call themselves Christians, out of that six only two really go to church on a Sunday, according to cbn.com/spirituallife.   Now, I’m not a prophet or someone of bible authority, but I would agree that you don’t really see a lot of couples that to do regularly attend church. One would say that men don’t like going because church just so happens to cut into Sunday football.  Maybe there is something more to it, something that we are all not seeing.  I believe in God and the bible, but as of lately I find myself not going to church on Sundays.  Part of it would be because I’m so tired and that I use Sundays as my day of rest.  An overly religious person would most likely have the rebuttal of “well God doesn’t get to take a day off on you, what makes you think that you deserve a day off?”   Truth be told, I don’t have a valid answer for that.  

On the relationship tip of it, the bible does encourage religion to be a huge factor in choosing someone to be with forever.  Back in the olden days when men used to court women, it was imperative that a man agree with the woman’s father in politics and her mother in religion. In today’s world religion is like a forgotten art to most people. One source claimed church as being a woman thing.  That to me sounds dumb.  If church is a woman thing, then having a job, paying bills and fixing cars are just a man’s thing, right? Wrong.  People kill me with that, after all women and men are suppose to be equals in every since of the word.  How does someone truly find that special someone if they don’t have a relationship with a higher power?  The average man accepts the reality of Jesus, but fails to see any value in attending church service every Sunday.  Tyler Perry paints a picture of the ideal man in all of his movies.  The woman in the movie is basically jilted and left to fend for herself, believing that there are no good men left out there.  Then out of the blue comes this tragic hero who embraces the reality of god and going to church and they live happily ever after.  But it’s the movies.  Life is not really painted out to be that way.

Then I guess the other question is what keeps a person from really trying to define their relationship with god?  Some people go to church to find someone.  Remember the movie “Two Can Play that Game”, starring Vivica Foxx and Morris Chestnut, which was basically a comical battle of the sexes.  There was a line that said that all the players go to church, why because all the freaks go to church.  He would be correct, because how many of us go to the club the night before and show up at church the next morning?  My point that I’m trying to make is that all relationships are built on some sort of foundation, if religion (any religion)is not a part of it, then what is it that you really believe in?  People need something to believe in. This is not a matter of if my god or your god is right, just the fact that if you and I both can acknowledge that there is a greater power at work in all aspects of our lives then that would be something for us to build on.  I myself could not love someone who didn’t believe in anything.  As we see that the numbers of people who have a firm grasp on religion are dwindling in a downward spiral it makes me wonder, what can we do to make sure that we bring religion or the concept of believing in something back into relationships?  It makes me sad to see lost people; if you don’t have your faith or beliefs in anything then I guess that pretty much makes you an incomplete person.   So the one thing I want you all to take into the New Year is to build a firm foundation with the person that you love.  Believe in something, anything; don’t let a person walk away from you just because you weren’t spiritually prepared.  Then again maybe we all need to try a little harder to work on us and what it is we really believe in.   Until next year.

~Peace Be With You ~


Friday, December 16, 2011

Relationships & Money: The New Age Pride Prejudice

So I am wondering why is it that money makes things so complicated.  Back in the earlier days woman were married off to men who came from wealthy families, because they themselves were not in a station in life that would allow them or their parents to live comfortably.  It’s really sad that back then parents pimped their daughters out to the highest bidder not caring if love was really a part of the equation.  I had another epiphany while watching one of my favorite movies, Pride and Prejudice.  For those who never had the pleasure of reading one of the best literary works that Jane Austin ever pinned, allow me to summarize.  Enter the Bennett’s, a lower class family consisting of five daughters and a mother who was an exhibitionist when it came to making sure that her daughters were noticed by the right people.  Then on the other hand you have Mr. Bingley and Mr. Darcy who were rich beyond measure in both land and looks.  All those things caught Mrs. Bennett’s eye, because she wanted her daughters to be rescued from the obscurity and destitution into the comfort that the lap of luxury offers.  How does this fit into modern day romance you may ask?

 Well, one would argue that even in the shambles of today’s world that pimping yourself out to the highest bidder is still acceptable.  Now a day’s people unconventionally date for the love of money and not the person himself.  This is a trait that is commonly found in women, hence the term gold digger.  I’ve noticed a lot of woman my age and even younger are looking for men to take care of them, they couldn’t give a damn about the man’s name or the type of person he is.  Because as long as he looks good and has money then it’s all good right?  WRONG!!!   I have to say that the biggest pet peeve that I have right now with my gender is the fact that we have to rely on someone else to take care of us.  I hear these nonsensical females popping off at the mouth talking about

 “If a dude wanna pay my bills then he can pay my bills.”

If that’s not the most ignorant shit I’ve ever heard. My thing is no one seems  to see the bigger picture,  yeah you’re getting some cash to pay the bills but what would you have to do in the end for that , because let’s face it nothing in this world is free and always comes with a price that you may not  want to pay.  I’m tired of hearing all these women tell men to get their money up.  I wonder how in the hell are you gonna act like that and you don’t have two pennies to rub together your damn self?  It baffles me, what happened to the time when females were out there to make their own way.  I can only say that I know half a dozen real females out there that are about getting ahead and not using a man’s wallet to do it.

I knew this one girl who tried to talk to my brother, JT, and told him that she only dated dudes who only wear Gucci and Prada. I wish that I could see this girl and tell her to go sit the hell down somewhere.  Men don’t really want a woman that they have to take care of financially.  It isn’t a safe bet to just assume that a man will take care of you and bend over backwards, who really wants a man that bends over? This girl had the nerve to put her demands on the table about what kind of man she wants, but I find it funny that you want a rich man, and yet here you sit at Carolina Place mall filling out a job application.  If the girl that I am talking about is reading this then honey, my message to you: Stop trying to find a man to take care of you financially.  Men these days don’t just spend money on a girl without expecting something back in return.  Not to throw salt, but we have a name for women that take money but have to do things for it. Ho!!

  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that the money thing is a race based thing, because you don’t have to be just black or white to fit the bill for these types of woman (and I use the term loosely).  Women need to start being a little more proactive when it comes to making their own way.  Even though the guy that is paying for your way of life is not really complaining to you about your ways, you can bet your ass that he’s telling his boys how easy you are when you’re not in the room (which he is paying for).  Yes the role of a man is to provide for his woman (keyword provide not support).  A lot of these females out here have the game twisted.  Men want a woman who can hold a nine to five and bring home some money to.  It’s a turn on to a man to see a woman be independent, Mr. Foxx said it best: “I love her cause she got her own.”  If you don’t know, then you better ask somebody.

So, how did the Pride and Prejudice turn out in the end you ask? Well let’s just say that for you to know that you should watch it.  Another thing about people these days is that they don’t appreciate a good classic.  Darcy did have a lot of work to do to get over his prejudice that he had for Elizabeth because he realized that her circumstances, her inferior birth, and her embarrassing mother were things that she could not control nor should be counted against her.  If a guy saw a woman at least trying to make an effort in her life to reach her goals then he would love to be with her, because after all he wants is to be with someone that will keep him motivated when it comes to achieving his goals. Take some time to meditate on that food for thought and see if it doesn’t help change your life.

~Peace be with you ~

Original Lynn

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Relationships: How to Deal with the Insecurities with Girlfriends and Friends

Yo and hello to my readers, I hope all of you have been enjoying the holidays and the extra pounds that accompany holiday food.   I’ve had an epiphany (for those not familiar, a reckoning, and manifestation).   I’ve sat here and thought long and hard about this blog that I work so hard on, I wonder if anybody really gets anything out of it?  The stuff that I write about is important to some decree.  It does not save lives but, I would think that people’s opinions are something to be thought on.  How do you try to make some noise with just one voice?  Well I’ve decided to go weekly now.  I’ll pick a topic for the month and there will be sub topics that way I can get the reading public that I believe that I so richly deserve.  And here we go…

Relationships:  How to Deal with the Insecurities with Girlfriends and Friends

I’m having this conversation with a lot of my friends.  It’s always.  “Why is she so jealous of my female friends?”   This one is for all of the guys out there that have a girlfriend who are currently having this problem.

Where should we start with this one?  Guys, since the beginning of time we woman have always secretly hated each other. We smile in each other’s face and call each other best friends, but at the same time,  when she leaves the room we call her a bitch and then hate on her because she has something we want.  Now I know a lot of women, present company included, will not admit to this.   A co worker of mine (a man) did say that the biggest difference between men and woman is that when it comes to competition, women are secretly competitive.  I agree with this statement, because after all, competition is a huge motivator.  It ignites something in you that makes you want to be at your best.  It’s not something that we get over easily.  It grows tenfold when a man is involved, because let’s face it, no one likes to be second best when the affections of a man is involved.

The insecurities that we have with men are so many.  We get intimidated by our men having these female friends.  Why, because it makes us wonder if when men have those secret fantasies (which they will never own up to) is that the girl that he sees in them?  I hang out with a lot of guys and when the girl friend is brought in there are usually daggers being thrown into the mix.  I was told that my friend’s girl told him that all of his female friends look like super models and that makes her crazy.   Now at the point of pissing this chick off further, if she is reading this I would say that she needs to really get over herself.  You telling a grown ass man that he can’t have friends of the opposite sex is crazy.  That goes the same for the men out there, because let’s be honest, insecurities are not gender specific.  There are some men out there that flip the fuck out if they see a dude’s name come across their girl’s phone.  Telling someone that they can’t be friends with someone else is basically calling the relationship quits.  

  My advice to the jealous female would be step your game up, as I said earlier competition is a huge motivator. There is a reason that he hangs out with these woman, not because he secretly wants them, but because they understand him on a whole other level that you have yet to comprehend.  My advise to my friend would be, if she is worth it and you really love her go ahead and play the fool, because I’m willing to bet that she probably has some guy friends  that may not be known to you, but they are there.  This is a touchy subject in relationships, a test of the wills I call it.   Either you will let you significant other run your life and tell you what you can and can’t do, or you will put your foot down.

In my relationship, I don’t care if L has women friends.  Yeah I want to meet them, and if they are better at something than me it would make me want to step my game up. Then again, L and I have been together for almost 5 years and we still do talk about everything including our friends.  I hang around a lot of guys, and I go out with them sometimes to movies and to dinner.  How did I get past that step you may ask? By making them understand that the friends you know aren’t that bad, invite them to hang out with the group. Then at least you can say that you tried to make her a part of your world.  Now this might not work all of the time, because let’s face it, a lot of people who aren’t really in the art industry may not really feel welcomed in our circle. It will just piss them off even more that you have a group of people that are into the same things as you. All you can do is try to educate them on why your art is so important to you. L is not a writer but we compromise, he reads what I write and accompanies me to any artsy thing I want to go to.  I in turn listen to him talk about his computers and electronics, also letting him teach me things that I might need to know about technology period.  A relationship can be built when two people are completely different; it’s all about how hard are you willing to try to be with that other person.

I know that I may appear to be rambling on and some of you have lost the point, but it’s in there somewhere.  So try to understand one another and who knows maybe you’ll have what we call soul mate material. If you really have to change who you are in the end just because your significant other has a problem with your friends, then I would have to say shame on you for punking out and  not sticking to your guns.  If you’re still turning this whole scenario over in your mind wondering which road to take, then consult your friends.  After all, who really knows you better than your friends?  If they are real friends they will take into consideration all aspects including your happiness.

I suppose that is all for now until next time.

~Original Lynn~