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Wednesday, March 7, 2012
So I’m back after a one month hiatus. A lot of people think that I’ve fallen off, but I’m still here. I have to take the time to blog about one of the top ten moments of my life. I’m ENGAGED!!!!! There are a lot of feelings going through my head right now. It’s like I remember telling L a long time ago that I didn’t think that this moment would ever happen. He would sit there with that handsome smirk on his face that he always gets and say:
“I’m not gonna be obvious about it, it will happen when you least expect it.”
As far back as I can remember, when I was five I used to play out what it would be like to be proposed to. I know five seems like a crazy age to think about things like that, but I had a wild imagination. I adored the thought of a man and a woman in the terms of forever. All those stories Pride and Prejudice, Emma, and Anne of Green Gables all amused me as a child. There was something about the heroine finding the one that she was suppose to be with that is so appealing.
I love romantic gestures, I love flowers and love that I I’ve finally found that one person in the world who wants me for me. The thing that i am dealing with a lot now are people coming out of the wood work that haven’t really been considered my friends in a long time or didn’t give a damn about my relationship, with their fake congratulations. I laugh out loud because I wonder why the hell you would even do that to yourself. I have lots of people tell me that L and I were doomed from the start. But I find myself really proud, because I grew up, I figured out what I wanted and all the gloom and doomers can all kick rocks.
I guess the biggest concern is my family. People laugh when I tell them that sometimes I don’t like them on a good day. As far back as I could remember my family didn’t really care about any of the aspects of my life. Why do I think that this is going to be any different? They all say that they are excited that I’m marrying into a great family. Maybe that’s how it’s supposed to be; when I marry I leave everything else behind, all the naysayers, and the bullshit. Because as long as I’ve waited for this moment, I don’t know how to really include people who have dropped out of my life or never been there or really cared. People tell me to be the bigger person all the time, and usually I am. I’m always saying sorry to people who did me some sort of wrong instead of the other way around. I’m done apologizing; I’m done trying to get you to be the type of people that I want in my life.
So if you have a feeling that I am talking about you, and you know you’ve fallen off. Do me a favor and don’t dishonor me with a fake ass apology that you know that you don’t even mean just so you can have a change at being in my spot light, because for once it is about me. I know that a lot of times that I have put myself last, but now I feel like this is my reward for doing that all these years.
My heart literally stopped when the waiter brought the ring to the table. I was incapable of forming words or phrases rendering myself completely speechless for the first time in my life. It seems so surreal to me. Like this is all a beautiful dream and I’m going to wake up soon. But every morning that I have woken up this week and stare at the gorgeous reminder on my hand that it all did happen, I find myself smiling uncontrollably. So to all of you, who have been sitting in the front row that is the stage of my life and are really happy for me, thank you. For those of you who I have not talked to or chilled within years or you haven’t thought about me stop embarrassing yourself.
I think the next couple of blogs are going to be called the wedding diaries, a full account of all the madness and chaos that I’m about to get into on the road to becoming Mrs. Lewis Jeter Jr.
Be blessed all.