Friday, July 1, 2011
Will the Real Lynn Allen Please Stand Up: July Edition
Yo and hello to all of my readers, I hope that you all had a wonderful month. I can honestly say that stress has actually become a frequent visitor in my life. I hope that everyone else is kicking the summer off stress free. Birthday shout outs to my people: Cassie Erin (Love ya boo), Travis Givens, Rachelle Neal, Josh Breedlove, and Tynadia Burris, may God bless you all with more birthdays.
Ok, let’s just get right to it, the BET awards to say the least, were entertaining. The Real Hollywood Husbands did have me rolling until Nick Cannon was on there talking about whoopin Eminem’s ass. I’m cringing as I’m waiting for Eminem’s crazy ass to pop out of nowhere and shut him down. One I know that entertainers are in the business to make people laugh but don’t you all know that Eminem doesn’t really look like a jokey joke type person? On another note I would like to say to Chris Brown that only Sisqo could pull off the blonde look. Not to mention the fact that Justin Beiber tried to hit on Nikki Minaj was really disturbing. Final case and point I’m going to need the CEO to make sure the next time that she comes to a red carpet affair that she does not take the curtains out of her living room and have her stylist fashion them into a dress FAIL FAIL FAIL!!!!
No Man: Every entourage needs one,
So Kevin Hart was telling everyone at the awards that they need to find a no man. Definition: a member of the entourage who is not afraid to tell you the truth. I don’t think that this should be an entourage thing. I believe that every circle of friends needs a no man as well. No if anyone is lacking and needs a friend to be their no man then I will step up for the job. Because A: I’m not going to sit here and lie to you about your doomed relationship like the rest of your so called friends do. And B: I will tell you if the dress you have on makes you look fat. The trick is in the eyes. If you ask a friend a question and they can’t look you in the eyes when they say yes, then most likely the answer to your question was a no or a hell no.
Robbing a Bank for $1?
The craziest new story that I came across this month was a homeless man robbed a bank for $1…..
(crickets chirping) Yes folks, that’s right, $1. Now I understand that if you are homeless desperation comes into play, but let’s play this one smart. If I were to rob a bank (and I do not highly recommend robbing a bank.) I would have to say that I would not go waving a gun around for $1. Let’s be real, if I get caught I’m going to jail anyway, might as well make the time I’m going to serve be worth it. I mean what are you going to do with $1, that’s not even bus fair anymore. Currently the homeless man is serving his time in jail and he is happy because he has benefits (wtf)? Let’s play this smart: if you are a homeless man and it get’s to the point to where you feel that you need to rob a bank don’t do it, just remember back on set it off and takers it didn’t work out for T.I or Queen Latifah.
Fourth of July
Everyone gets excited about the fourth of July, a time for cookouts, family and fireworks. I can honestly say that I would love it even more if I did not have to work. I’m still trying to figure out why businesses are open on the 4th. We all do have families and the thing that pisses me off the most has to sit on the phone with someone crying about their phone when I hear sounds of merriment in the background. This country is going to hell in a flaming hand basket. I mean I like hot dogs too!!! So President Obama, if you are reading this please pass some kind of law that will allow all of us to have government holidays off. I know that my job is not glamorous and I don’t do anything like jump in front of bullets or spy work, but can’t the lowly customer service rep catch a break?
Common Courtesy has left…. Everywhere
So I’m at Wal-Mart today with my mother and we are looking at videos and this baby huey, barney the purple dinosaur looking dude shifts my cart out of the way without saying excuse me. What the hell is wrong with this picture? I mean it’s not like this is the only aisle at Wal-Mart. (It’s WALMART for Christ sake, there are a lot of aisles there to walk down.) I guess my point here is people have gotten so effin rude. What happened to please, thank you, and (oh wait) excuse me? It baffles me as to wonder when Americans started being so damned rude. This is how fights start. Since we are on the subject of this dude let’s say that maybe a short cut through the electronic section was not a good idea. If we are going to take some short cuts how about taking a short cut on raising a fork to your mouth then maybe you would not have a problem going down any of the aisles of Wal-Mart, or maybe if you had said excuse me in the first place then I would have gladly moved the cart for you.
Stalkers For Exes
A lot of us have exes. When you break up with that ex, you think that the break is clean and that you can move on with your life. Negative. As you are walking down the boulevard with your new boo, you get this feeling that someone has eyes on you. It’s one thing for the dumped to walk around pining for the dumper for about a good month, if after that month you start seeing this person coincidentally show up where you are at, then you should be worried. Stalkers tend to start arguments through text messages, that is why you should change your number. (or put them on the block list.) Other stalker like behaviors include hiding in bushes, or other places like trashcans, the backseat of your car (don’t ask) This person may even start talking about taking their life in that case a padded cell and a straight jacket might not be a bad idea. If it really gets to the point where you may have to fight for your life then you may want to go rent the movie, Enough, and pick up some pointers from J-Lo.
Until next time, peace be with you.