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Monday, November 7, 2011

Will The Real Lynn Allen Please Stand Up: November 2011

Will The Real Lynn Allen Please Stand Up: November 2011

So I’m going to skip past all of the sun salutations for this one.  I want to get right to the point.  Lately everything dials down to relationships.  The thing about relationships is that they come and go, people that you thought would be with you your whole life vanish in an instant.  I was talking to my brother today and he told me that he was done with relationships, that it was the one thing in life that would make him different than our father, well different and better.  There’s this tiny part of me that almost wanted to laugh in his face, because anyone who knows me and knows all the stories about my father would know that is not a perfect person and his biggest flaw wasn’t his relationships with people.  It was trying to find a reason to trust people.   If my father had not had the relationships that he had then his children would not be here and he counts us as one the greatest achievements.  I think that my brother is lost in his own way.  It is a lonely existence to go through life without anyone, people need compassion. I guess a part of me feels sorry for him, because I don’t think that he really gets it.  To him everything is all about being better than our father.  My father is no saint, but when I hear people talk bad about him there is a part of me that makes me want to rip someone’s head off literally.    It’s a natural part of life to want to be loved and to want to share a part of who you really are with that special someone. So if these words do pass my brother’s eyes, I would say to be too quick to give up.  Great relationships have been built on so much less than the fears of turning out like your father.  Having someone’s blood running through your veins does not mean that you will be like them.

Another thing that I would like to say is if you are in a relationship and you don’t want that person anymore, don’t be so cruel as to throw someone else under  the bus just b/c you are to afraid to tell that person that you don’t want them anymore.  Grow a set and speak your mind.  Some people just aren’t meant to be, and if you spend the rest of your life cowering in a corner then I guess you deserve every bit of misery that comes your way.  I walk around and ask people how long they have been married and then when I ask them if they had everything to go back and do over all I hear is silence of the lambs.  Because deep down you know that there is something that you would want to change.  Maybe love is just a cruel trick that gets played on us all and we keep falling into it’s web because we don’t know any better and loneliness really is a huge tragedy that we all try to hide from.  I'm tred of people coming with this craziness for their "relationship". People throw that word around like it's so casual.  And maybe that is what's wrong, people are casual with  each other and they always say that the are not open to the possibility of love.  the real reason is that these people are really scared to feel anything at all, because all you are is numb and incapable of feeling anything.

Maybe all of my ramblings aren’t making since, maybe my brother JT will make it sound better with his opinion.


I know people are reading this title and may be thinking John aka JT must be lazy in his relationships and

trust me that is not the case. I have really been thinking about this because I have been listening to

others relationship issues, thinking of my past relationships, as well as what I’m going through now. I

have been through the long distance relationships, those long term relationships the never surfaced,

and been in those crazy situations when you meet someone and the timing was wrong but you can see

yourself with that person for the rest of your life. Hell I even decided to be lonely because I felt like I

kept meeting the wrong people. Have you ever known a relationship that was as simple as meeting

someone, dating, moving in together, and then getting married? Is it possible to be that easy? Now I’m

not saying that being in a committed relationship doesn’t have its bumps, I just mean without such

strenuous things happening. What do men and women have to do to make that happen. Let me bring

you into my life for a minute. I have been in a relationship where my partner always thought because I

treated her well and with respect that I was running game. I mean damn, am I suppose to treat you like

shit for you to feel a brother. I met this one girl and from the start we hit it off. Agreed on so much and

had gone through some of the same things and we both wanted the same things, sounds like we were

on our way to the simple relationship path doesn’t it. As much as we had in common, she still had

strong feeling for her ex and she was moving back home soon and there was no way we could take any

steps further. Not to mention our career goals would not enable us to see each other either. Now when

I say she was moving back home, don’t think across town, I mean across the country. I’m not one to

front, it felt like I was being restricted from a love I knew I deserved. I know some of my closest friends

are probably reading this and may be shocked that I can be affected by a female but I’m not immune.

Now we both knew how it would play out so we remained friends, but it just makes you think. Does it

always have to be that way? Those who are reading this, do you feel that you settled in the relationship

you are in? When is it right to think about yourself and what you want in life without being criticized or

selfish? I know I am asking a lot of question in this portion of the blog, but these questions are very

important. As lonely as you may be, you should wait for the person who is meant for you because as

soon as don’t, you will meet the person you should be with. I have gone through so many downs, with

very limited ups that you would think that I would have just given up by now. I know I go through times

of depression as others do, but better believe I will persevere for what I want in life. Writing about my

life and putting it out to the world is not what I’m used to doing. I believe I needed to get some things

out like I used to when I recorded music. By writing this I want everyone to really talk to their mates and

get everything in the open because that conversation may be what propels you into that happiness that

you both have wished for. As well I want everyone reading this to think about what you want in your

relationship. People don’t think that I am not doing the same thing.

1 comment:

  1. Lynn this is so real. I think one of the things that we have to remember as people, is that relationships whether personal, professional, intimate, casual...etc.....all play a huge role in life in general. We need relationships to thrive. While some may require more attention, time, and effort than others, they all play a role in who we are, what we expect to get out of life, and how we will progress.

    All relationships have complex aspects in their on way. Whether we realize it or not, even the most simple of our relationships come with complex aspects. Think about it, even if someone is simply an associate, a coworker that you aren't close with, or a neighbor that you aren't very familiar with, you often times consider them without really noticing by gestures or subconscious consideration. You hold the door when they come in behind you, you don't leave the coffee pot empty because you don't want to be rude, you tell people thank you when they serve you.....these relationships are still important in our roles as people, even though they don't consume a lot of our time or energy...they affirm the part of us that longs to feel nice and considerate.....simply a good person.

    You are exactly right, just because the blood line of someone runs through you, you don't have to be like them. It's possible to carry on the heritage of your family without being trapped by the mistakes and down falls of others. We have to be mindful of how we take those feelings about not wanting to be like someone and use them for the better. Some people are often so driven to not be like someone, that they are blinded by the reality that daily they become that person. Be aware of the aspects about the person that you don't want to become, and address them with yourself when you are faced with them. Decide how you want to handle them and don't dwell on it....The freedom comes in forgiveness....until we learn to forgive...we will never truly be free of someone that has hurt us.

    I definitely feel you on the loneliness aspect. All too often we settle for someone just because we desire some sort of companionship. I believe that waiting is best. Why settle and still feel the void that you felt initially? You are only hurting yourself, and potentially the other person if they are more serious than you are. There's nothing wrong with desiring companionship but when you make up in your mind that you are willing to wait for the person that fulfills are you needs and desires it is well worth the wait, when you end up with the right person.