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Wednesday, July 18, 2012

The Wedding Diaries: Lead by Example

The Wedding Diaries: Lead by Example

So I’m wondering about marriage in general.  I don’t exactly come from a family that is known for staying married.  Matter of fact, I can honestly say that both of my parents have been married multiple times and have failed at it. When people don’t stay together and you are a child you wonder all sorts of things.  Was the reason for them not working out my fault? What could I have done better?  All these questions remain unanswered as a child.  But then as 1 Corinthians 13:11 states.

“When I was a child I spake as a child, I thought as a child and I understood as a child.  When I became a man I put away childish things.”

It’s funny how as an adult you don’t ask those same longing questions.  You see what is there right in front of your eyes. I watched divorce twice already and I’ll watch it again.   The first time I was three and even though I was only three, it did not take a genius to figure out that my father was not coming with us. On my mother’s word; it’s entirely his fault.  Men are just always fire starters and they don’t think about who would gets burned. All of it was meaningless jabber to me at three.  When I was 15 my father was at his second divorce and even then the wicked lady stated that it was his entire fault.  At 15 I had more sense.  Problems don’t just come from one person; it takes two to cause a problem. So the "all his fault not mine" excuse started to be primitive bullshit.

Now the third one, I thought that I liked her. I actually saw the remnants of some sort of family.  Then came the accusations and the comments about me being fat and ungrateful. The final straw was watching the total discontent that she had for my father in front of his children. If married people disagree it should be behind closed doors, no one should be able to see that you have a problem.

Adult figures have been telling me my whole life to have respect for my elders, say please and thank you. How am I to learn all these things when I see these so called "adults" in my life behaving badly? You tell us to be one way but yet you are hypocritical. I would never teach my children that.

One of the things that I hope that I take into my marriage is to be able to talk about my problems with L openly. Watching that bitch fest this past weekend awakened something in me.  I know that sometimes I complain and sometimes I want things to be perfect.  On the way home I had to apologize to my fiancĂ©e because I don’t ever want to be that way. I don’t want to be a person that marries multiple times. I only want to do this once and hopefully God will bless my marriage to where I will not have to.

Well these are the dull musings of my wandering mind.  Comment if you want. Be blessed.

~Original Lynn~