The Definition of a Bad Girl

So, I’ve neglected my writing.  I feel like I need to get back into it, because I need an outlet.  I feel that there are so many factors in my life that I don’t have control over.  Everything is coming so fast.  I have to say that so far this year I have grown a lot as a person.  Self growth is important to me because it lets me know that I’m one step closer to where I want to go in life. 

As I sit here in my bed cruising through the channels on the television I come across the Oxygen channel with the Bad girls club Chicago.  The first thing that comes to mind is how in the world all of these chicks could go on national television with all their problems and insecurities to help spike ratings.  As this question is set in my mind I began to focus on the show.  These girls are different in many ways. (Race, walks of life, and attitudes) are still so alike because they all crave attention.  Sure two bitches beating the shit out of each other just because one did not feel like being bullied by the other, can be entertaining for a while.  But as I have to constantly remind myself is that thousands of impressionable girls are watching this show, and are immolating what they see these other girls do. Hey it got them their fifteen minutes of fame, so why not for them?

As I watch these girls on television making a spectacle of them, a hard truth hits me: Once upon a time that used to be me.  No, I won’t go as far to say that I was a bully, but I was the one that was always quick to pop off and be in a fight.  I did spend a great deal of my childhood fighting.  Even when I was in my early 20s I spent most of my time fighting other girls, and for what, not really sure.  As far back as I can remember for every year that past I would do an evaluation on myself.  I would examine my failures and my successes.  If you could imagine in the beginning my failures were greater; from failure in my goals right down to my family and romantic relationships.  With each passing year I found my successes have outnumbered my failures.  These things have helped me grow into a better me.

Yes, I do have an atomic temper.  It is not good to make me mad, because I go to a dark place.  That is still one of my bigger character flaws that I am working on.  People try so hard to take you out of your element, out of your character.  That’s nothing but the devil in disguise.  I rebuke that.  Some of the triggers for my temper are when I feel like I’m being attacked.  Back in my day I would not hesitate to put my hands on someone.  Now, it’s like what does it solve?  Me fighting someone is not going to make me feel better.  I worry that some of these girls out here are watching this show and are looking to these girls as role models.  This is not the definition of a bad girl.

The true definition of a bad girl is a woman who can go through all of the terrible curves that life throws at her and still be able to live.  To work hard for what she wants even though she knows that the odds are greatly stacked against her.  To be classy and professional at all times.  I don’t think that I am all the way there.  I am a work in progress.  The bad things that have happened to me do not define me: they only help build my character stronger.  I don’t believe that I am damaged; I change every year into a more appealing young lady.

I am not by any means telling anyone to boycott watching bad girls club.  We all find ratchet television entertaining to some level.  But all I’m saying is please teach our young girls out there something more than just how to be baby mommas and whores.  Teach them that presentation is key no matter where they go. Teach them that being original is way better than being part of the crowd.  Advise them that you can be sexy while still being classy.  As I watch these girls try to use fame to hide behind being insecure, I shake my head, because they are going about it the wrong way.  Stop using the Bad girl’s club   house as a step program to fix you.  You can do that on your own.

Last thought I’ll leave for the night.  Just stop and thank God that you don’t look like what you’ve been through.  If that were the case, there would be no prosperous young women.  Just some food for  thought.

Dedication to a Fallen Soldier

I Dedicate this blog in three parts.  First, to my late cousin Chris Thompson Rest in paradise, we love you. To my Thompson relations, just know that God got y’all, and lastly, to every mother that has ever had to lay her son to rest too soon in life.

So I’m wondering, when did the world get so messed up?  No really, we as a people used to have honor. What happened to that?  I’m still waiting for an answer to that one.  I don’t understand what makes people want to take someone’s life.  I try to get my mind there and to be honest, it’s a scary place.  The reasons I came up with are jealousy, anger, or to prove something. Those don’t seem like good reasons to me.  Matter of fact they suck.

  Jealousy is not supposed to get that far out of hand to where I want to kill you, we are all jealous people at some point.  So does that mean that I have that right to take your life because I’m not happy with myself? No it does not.  If anything jealousy should fuel a fire to make you work harder to be that person that you want to be.

Anger is not any better.  Yes, we all get upset sometimes, but that still doesn’t mean that we should be so quick to pick up a gun.  Find another way to take your frustrations out. I have to say when I found out that my cousin had died, I was angry.  He was supposed to live a long and happy life.  Buy his first house, meet the girl of his dreams and marry, have children, and die of old age.  That didn’t happen.  He was cut down in the prime of his life because someone decided that they wanted to play God.  When I watched my Cousin Crissy talk to the reporters that day and tell them that she was ok with Chris’ death, just not ok with how he got there, my heart broke all over again.  She should not have to say goodbye to her son. It’s not right.  I have to say though my cousin, Crissy, is my hero. To watch her face this situation with such grace and dignity, as she went through the motions of planning a funeral, taking care of my two  younger cousins and just comforting everyone else, made me admire her even more.  My cousin is the definition of a strong black woman.

To me the worst reason of the three, to prove something, is the biggest load of bullshit I’ve ever heard.  You want to prove something to someone. Then prove that you are not a coward. To shoot someone from behind when they are not expecting it is nothing more than a cowards move.  I’m tired of people saying that they are real thugs.  If you were a real thug then you would have afforded my cousin the courtesy of fighting back.  You would not have waited in the shadows for him to get home.  In the streets there was once a thing called honor, we all were supposed to live by it.  So because someone else was out there trying to prove something Chris had to die?  That doesn’t work for me either.

So the message is this.  Instead of running around taking other people’s lives, do yourself a favor, save your own life.  This life is not for the faint of heart.  As I walked by his casket and saw him there so at peace I knew that he was going to be alright. He got to leave this troubled world to go to a better.  Chris was a good person and did not deserve what happened to him.  I was amazed at how many people were really affected by his passing. When the minister called for those to join the church and walk away from that life, many people went up there.  Because that happened I was touched.  He really did make a difference in his short life.  We can go at anytime, people need to realize that this world is going to hell in a hand basket make sure you get right with Jesus before it’s too late.

To the other families that have lost their sons, my heart goes out to you and I continue to pray for you all. To my cousins Crissy, Nikki and Gerri: I love you all so much and if you need me, I’m just a phone call away.  To my readers, I hope that this one touches you in some way and makes you think about your own lives.

Peace and God Bless

Injustice in the world

I am enraged at this present moment. As I’m sure many of you are.  For the longest time I’ve been trying to figure out this thing called the American Dream.  People have always described our nation as “The Land of Opportunity” or “Home of the free Land of the Brave.”  I have a few names for America myself:

The Land of persecution. The Land where children come to die. The Land of injustice.  Right now I feel sick to death about this place that we come from, and I wish that I was anywhere but here.  I say this because when I watched them give the verdict on the Zimmerman case, I literally was sick to my stomach. One, because a man killed a child and the system in which we trust to govern our country, let him walk.  Two, that poor family that will never get to watch their son grow up just breaks my heart.

 People think once again that I am mad because it was a black kid that got shot.  I’m sorry, but that’s not it. I would still be mad either way if the kid had of been black, white, or purple. A child’s life is a life no matter what the color.  Let’s take race out of it for a minute.  A lot of you out there have children, and you love them for who they are not what they can or can’t do.  If someone did exactly what Zimmerman did to your child, you all would be singing a different tune.  All of you saying that you have to get off of face book because you don’t want to deal with the injustices of this world. It’s weak.

The world we live in has changed from what we once knew.  It is a more savage place.  A lot of you are thinking “So what another black kid got killed, it was bound to happen to him anyway right?”  Why does that have to be the mantra for black people, that we are destined to die?  We have futures when given the chance. A few months back some crazy nut shot up an elementary school and the whole world felt sorry about all the people that were murdered.  If I may point out not all of those children were white.  People of all races tweeted about how pissed they were, those children were victims cut down too early in life.  If that psycho was still alive to be prosecuted and he walked everyone would be pissed.  So how is it ok to just pick and choose injustices?

The defense tried to paint Zimmerman as a model citizen.  They said that he had awesome grades in school, and that he was a member of a lot of clubs.  Ok, what the hell does that have to do with anything?  You could be the smartest person in the world and still be a murderer. Last time I checked it wasn’t an academic requirement for your level of humanism.

Since I’ve made that point now, I would like to give a shout out to our judicial system and say thanks for being such a monumental disappointment.  In this particular case you basically stated that it was ok to shoot an unarmed child, and still get to walk around free.  This is one of the reasons why President Obama is trying to advocate for gun control.  It’s apparent that not everyone should be able to own a fire arm.  I just want to say that my heart goes out to the Martin family.  It’s not fair that they don’t get to take their son home and get to watch him grow up into a man.  Instead they had to put him in the ground, how do you as a parent move on from that?  One thing is for sure, No matter what race you are. Losing a child still hurts and it’s a pain that you’ll carry forever.

Zimmerman may be walking around free and smiling that he literally got away with murder. But it’s not over. Someone out there who does not care what happens to them will take it to the streets and then people are going to see what happens.  Just remember that not everyone is a god fearing, law abiding citizen. But hey everyone has their own definition of justice, and it’s not always right. I for one have never been one for vigilant justice but, to each his own.

Now you know why America is now known as what it is. This place just lets these bad parents, rapists, child molesters, and murderers just walk free, and they don’t have to pay for what they’ve done here on earth.  I don’t want to be a part of a country that would allow something like that. I am a god fearing woman and I do believe that when we pass on that we sinners will have to answer for everything that we have done.  Some of us have more to answer for than others.  

In closing, a great person by the name of Rev. Dr. Marin Luther King Jr. once said:

“Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere”

I think that we as people need to be reminded of that.

Peace be upon you

Reflection

 

 

Will the Real Lynn Allen Please Stand Up: Reflection of 2012

 

Greetings all, I hope that you all have had a wonderful holiday season with your family. Mine was as interesting as it usually is.  So, at this time of year I usually do the same thing every year. I like to reflect back on this past year before I go into the new one. I’m not going to make any resolutions that I know that I will break, instead I will reflect on this year and think of what I will do to be even better next year.  I say this because I don’t think that I had a bad year. I actually had quite the opposite.

I was on my face book page and I went through and it gave me the option to see my top 20 moments of this year.  Funny thing is I feel like a lot of great things happened this year. I got engaged to the most wonderful guy. I met a lot of cool new people. I got to actually get to know my nephews a little better this year and spend more time with my sister.  Furthermore, I also got to spend time with my father, which I did not think that was going to happen.

I also did experience some rough situations. I said good bye to my great aunt, Julia; and to L’s grandfather.  I also witnessed the emotional meltdown of soon to be ex-step mother. Not to mention, I also cut off a few unhealthy friendships with people that I felt had already fulfilled their purpose in my life.  I also saw a lot of pain capture America as some nut job shot up a movie theater full of people.  The one horrible thing that I will never forget about this year would be the massacre of children at the Sandy Hope Elementary School.  The fact that 20 innocent, beautiful children lost their lives because someone else did not value their own life still haunts my dreams. My thoughts and prayers are still with those families.

The one thing that I hope to take from this year is to be more aware of my surroundings. In this day in age, people are getting craftier when it comes to trying to screw you over.  People are not afraid to throw their lives away or yours for that matter. In addition people are even quicker to smile in your face, and then in the blink of an eye throw you under the bus.

If I could wish for anything in the coming year, it would be more patience. Patience will carry me far if I can just learn to shake off anyone that tries to attack me. Truth be told I’ve softened over the years.  There was once a time that I just didn’t care. I would say what I had to say and I didn’t care if it hurt. My mouth is my biggest flaw, and I know that.  However, it is something that I am working on.  Also in previous years I would also hold a grudge. I had a hard time forgiving people for their follies and vices towards me. Now I’ve learned to shake it off.  No, the relationship will not be the same.  I’ll be forgiving and not bring up the past, but I will also watch closely to make sure that I don’t walk into another situation from the past.  What’s that old saying?

“Fool me once, shame on you; Fool me twice shame on me.”

 

Opening the Door

 

 

Will the Real Lynn Allen Please Stand Up: Opening the Door

Greetings to you all; I’m pretty sure that by the end of this I will lose some readers, but at the same time I hope to gain some.  I am very glad that President Obama will be serving another term.  Yes a bunch of you want to cry and say that he ruined this country, but what do you expect to happen when you inherit an economically damaged country. You didn’t honestly think that all this shit would go away after four years? If you did think that then you learned nothing through life and the changing of the times.

Martin Luther King Jr. said it best:

“All progress is precarious, and the solution of one problem brings us face to face with another problem”

 

In order for us to really get anywhere, a lot of battles have been fought. Our ancestors marched for us to make better decisions. The president will not be able to clean this mess up over night, it will take time. Patience is a virtue.

During this election I have sat by idle watching people and seeing how they react. So now I will address it all. To those of you who did not vote but have the nerve to be on face book posting these ridiculous statements, you know nothing; because if you really cared about how things turned out you should have taken an interest.  You tried to close the door on the low percentile, but we kicked it in.

For those of you who are barely making it and had the nerve to go for a candidate because of the color of his skin and not his principles, shame on you.  Here I was thinking that we left this racist thing behind in the past, guess I wrong. I’m not sure how your parents raised you, but mine raised me to see that the world is not just black and white; to embrace the many shades of grey in between.

I was sad to read the many hateful statements that were posted on twitter. There was one that stuck out to me that made me realize that people really are cruel. I’m almost ashamed to repost it because I was as taken aback as some of you may be, but here it is

(see bottom of blog)

The first part was bad enough b/c you’re talking about someone’s family. Those girls did not ask for their father to be president, which is just where their path in life lead them. The second part referring to Romney as a king and saying that she hopes that he passes a law to make African American people slaves because she doesn’t like doing stuff for herself was the jaw dropping moment for me. (Girl Get ya life).
 My friend Jeremy was right, someone needs to back hand this chick. So, I’m supposed to work hard and clean up after you and be treated as a lesser person?  I must have missed the memo that we were stepping back into Civil War times.  I hope that my blog makes it way to this misguided child.  Honey, people did not march and die so that we could go backwards. Stop looking at the situation as a black man is in the oval office, just respect the position.  People are under the impression that I would have been less than cooperative if Romney had won.  Let me be clear on this even if the president had been a white man I still would have respected the position; I don’t have to like him but I do have  to respect that he is the commanding officer of this nation.

Moving on from that, Romney being white or how much money he has  did not have anything to with me not liking him, It was about what he stood for.  Romney wanted to take away PBS; that would not have been a smart move. You want to take away a channel that has a lot of educational television shows that help today’s youth grow.  How much sense does that make? Our youth today are already running the streets and not knowing how to speak proper English. Just imagine what would have happened if PBS was taken off the air, I don’t think that I would want to see that future.

Furthermore, there is the issue about abortion.  I am a woman and if I do not want to have a child that should be my choice. The government does not own my body. I personally don’t favor abortion; but think of your daughters, sisters, nieces, and wives. What if someone raped them and a child was created out of that?  Rape it’s self is a traumatic experience in its self. To not be given a choice is just like not having your own mind. People are going to do what they wanted to do and yes we understand that when judgment day comes, that is going to be up to that person to be prepared to meet God. We are not a perfect people; we do mess up from time to time.

I’ve always said that the movie, Head of State with Chris Rock, was a premonition. Things are coming to past as written. Instead of being upset help keep the door open. After all if one of us makes it out to a better life, why would you want to shut that door for others to follow. We constantly set ourselves up for failure when we leave others behind.
 Peace be upon you all .

 

 

 

 

The Wedding Diaries: Getting It Together

 

 

The Wedding Diaries: Getting it Together

Hello all my lovely readers. I hope you are having a wonderful day.  Me, I am actually still in my PJ’s, debating on if I should go into the kitchen and make some coffee.  So, I’m looking at the calendar and I’m realizing that it’s almost one year until my wedding day.  So naturally it’s time to get started on planning the most important day of my life.  A lot of people have asked why I don’t have a wedding planner. I’ve decided that my sister, Makiba, my best friend, Corinna, and I will be my wedding planners.  A lot of people are telling me that this process is going to stress me out, but they have not seen me work magic in a crisis.

We are already narrowing down our choices for venues.  I just have to work on the guest list. I would like to put a disclaimer out and say that L and I come from pretty big families and that if I don’t send you an invite, please don’t be mad, we are working on a budget and I don’t purposely want to leave anyone out, but money really is an object here.

On the note of who will be in my bridal party I’ve only decided on Makiba and Corinna. I’m still working on the rest, because frankly some of my friends make me really nervous.  When I say nervous I mean I watch them going through life and all the curves that it throws; and I wonder if they will be able to juggle that and be able to live up to my expectations. Let’s be honest, being a bride’s maid is more than just standing up there with the bride and looking pretty; there is a lot of work that goes into it. I need to see how I’m going to narrow this down.  I think that I have a plan on how I can do that, more on that in a later edition of my blog.

Another thing to work on is L and I. Why do we need to work on us, because no relationship is perfect. In a previous blog I wrote that L and I needed to work on our spiritual relationship with God.  The steps that we are taking to do that are to actively find a church that we can become members of together. Not to mention most church members also take a class before they get married and that is what we are trying to do now.  We have a church in mind, which is good.

Sorry this one was so short.  Until next time.

The Wedding Diaries: Lead by Example

The Wedding Diaries: Lead by Example

So I’m wondering about marriage in general.  I don’t exactly come from a family that is known for staying married.  Matter of fact, I can honestly say that both of my parents have been married multiple times and have failed at it. When people don’t stay together and you are a child you wonder all sorts of things.  Was the reason for them not working out my fault? What could I have done better?  All these questions remain unanswered as a child.  But then as 1 Corinthians 13:11 states.

“When I was a child I spake as a child, I thought as a child and I understood as a child.  When I became a man I put away childish things.”

It’s funny how as an adult you don’t ask those same longing questions.  You see what is there right in front of your eyes. I watched divorce twice already and I’ll watch it again.   The first time I was three and even though I was only three, it did not take a genius to figure out that my father was not coming with us. On my mother’s word; it’s entirely his fault.  Men are just always fire starters and they don’t think about who would gets burned. All of it was meaningless jabber to me at three.  When I was 15 my father was at his second divorce and even then the wicked lady stated that it was his entire fault.  At 15 I had more sense.  Problems don’t just come from one person; it takes two to cause a problem. So the "all his fault not mine" excuse started to be primitive bullshit.

Now the third one, I thought that I liked her. I actually saw the remnants of some sort of family.  Then came the accusations and the comments about me being fat and ungrateful. The final straw was watching the total discontent that she had for my father in front of his children. If married people disagree it should be behind closed doors, no one should be able to see that you have a problem.

Adult figures have been telling me my whole life to have respect for my elders, say please and thank you. How am I to learn all these things when I see these so called "adults" in my life behaving badly? You tell us to be one way but yet you are hypocritical. I would never teach my children that.

One of the things that I hope that I take into my marriage is to be able to talk about my problems with L openly. Watching that bitch fest this past weekend awakened something in me.  I know that sometimes I complain and sometimes I want things to be perfect.  On the way home I had to apologize to my fiancée because I don’t ever want to be that way. I don’t want to be a person that marries multiple times. I only want to do this once and hopefully God will bless my marriage to where I will not have to.

Well these are the dull musings of my wandering mind.  Comment if you want. Be blessed.

~Original Lynn~    

The First Amendment

When I think of the first amendment I think of freedom of speech, which means I’m going to evoke my right to speak freely and there are going to be some hurt feelings somewhere, but that will pass. People are saying that there is to be a vote tomorrow on the legalization of gay marriages. And I hear all of the bullshit and all of the complaining.   People want to get snobby and turn their noses up.  Some even want to throw religion into the mix as to what God ordained as right and wrong.  Personally, I’m sick of all the talk about how there is a right side or a wrong one.  Then again, who is to really judge what is right or wrong anymore?

I’m tired of all the stupidity that is out there, after all gayness is not an illness that can just rub off on you at anytime.  I’m not completely sure how one determines the formula on who’s gay or not, but who cares? I’m not gay, because that is what I chose for me. However, I have loads of friends who are, and I don’t understand why that should be censored, why it should matter.  People come up with these stupid reasons as to why they think that being gay is not acceptable, what do I have to say to those people besides, they just can’t see things the way that they are, and they would rather let the sanctuary of their own ignorance come crashing down around them instead of learning something.  Why, because they don’t know any better; then how do we choose what side is right?

The answer is we don’t. Since the beginning of time there have always been two sides. People are always going to be on opposite sides. Because in the world that we live in people think that things are always black and white, and hardly ever pay attention to the gray areas in between.  Yes people think that gays should not be able to marry, but that is stupid.  What if America as we know it was not allowed to enter into marriage at all.  Marriage is really that special, aside from the vast amounts of money we spend on a ceremony, it’s all about the principle of being able to stand before the gods and everyone to admit your deepest feelings to someone.  I wouldn’t want to be a part of a world that segregates love. In my eyes soul mates are not just a man and a woman.  Soul mates can be anyone; any gender.

Oh, I’m sure that all those sanctimonious Christians out there are outraged. But then one must ask; How dare you really sit there on your pedestal and say that you are an authority on the bible when you skim through it like it’s an unwanted school novel?  You don’t have to like everyone, but you have to love them. Judge not for ye not be judged.  (I’m pretty sure a lot of you missed out on that one, maybe the print in your bible was not big enough.) What if the shoe were on the other foot, what if being straight was known as being odd and being gay was the status quo? What if the government was voting on if straight people could marry, would you see things differently?  No, they cannot. The majority of the world can’t allow themselves to think that way.  These days an open mind is a novelty, people lack imagination and the possibility of new things happening.

So I guess in closing I can say is yes, people are overly judgmental; they don’t stop to look at all the possibilities and only focusing on the one. Who is to say that what we all believe is right?  My views that gay people should be able to be looked at as normal people might not be what someone else believes, and that’s fine.  Instead of us fighting about who was wrong and who was right, or trying to get each other to understand the other side. If we survived the Holocaust and slavery, can’t we survive this too, and become better people going forward?

Just a thought.

The Wedding Diaries: The Road to becoming Mrs. Jeter Jr.

So I’m back after a one month hiatus.  A lot of people think that I’ve fallen off, but I’m still here.  I have to take the time to blog about one of the top ten moments of my life.  I’m ENGAGED!!!!! There are a lot of feelings going through my head right now.  It’s like I remember telling L a long time ago that I didn’t think that this moment would ever happen.  He would sit there with that handsome smirk on his face that he always gets and say:

“I’m not gonna be obvious about it, it will happen when you least expect it.”

As far back as I can remember, when I was five I used to play out what it would be like to be proposed to.  I know five seems like a crazy age to think about things like that, but I had a wild imagination.  I adored the thought of a man and a woman in the terms of forever.  All those stories Pride and Prejudice, Emma, and Anne of Green Gables all amused me as a child.  There was something about the heroine finding the one that she was suppose to be with that is so appealing.

I love romantic gestures, I love flowers and love that I I’ve finally found that one person in the world who wants me for me.  The thing that i am dealing with a lot now are people coming out of the wood work that haven’t really been considered my friends in a long time or didn’t give a damn about my relationship, with their fake congratulations.  I laugh out loud because I wonder why the hell you would even do that to yourself.  I have lots of people tell me that L and I were doomed from the start. But I find myself really proud, because I grew up, I figured out what I wanted and all the gloom and doomers can all kick rocks.

I guess the biggest concern is my family.  People laugh when I tell them that sometimes I don’t like them on a good day.  As far back as I could remember my family didn’t really care about any of the aspects of my life.  Why do I think that this is going to be any different?  They all say that they are excited that I’m marrying into a great family.  Maybe that’s how it’s supposed to be; when I marry I leave everything else behind, all the naysayers, and the bullshit.  Because as long as I’ve waited for this moment, I don’t know how to really include people who have dropped out of my life or never been there or really cared.  People tell me to be the bigger person all the time, and usually I am.  I’m always saying sorry to people who did me some sort of wrong instead of the other way around.  I’m done apologizing; I’m done trying to get you to be the type of people that I want in my life.

So if you have a feeling that I am talking about you, and you know you’ve fallen off.  Do me a favor and don’t dishonor me with a fake ass apology that you know that you don’t even mean just so you can have a change at being in my spot light, because for once it is about me. I know that a lot of times that I have put myself last, but now I feel like this is my reward for doing that all these years.

My heart literally stopped when the waiter brought the ring to the table.  I was incapable of forming words or phrases rendering myself completely speechless for the first time in my life.  It seems so surreal to me. Like this is all a beautiful dream and I’m going to wake up soon. But every morning that I have woken up this week and stare at the gorgeous reminder on my hand that it all did happen, I find myself smiling uncontrollably.  So to all of you, who have been sitting in the front row that is the stage of my life and are really happy for me, thank you.  For those of you who I have not talked to or chilled within years or you haven’t thought about me stop embarrassing yourself.

I think the next couple of blogs are going to be called the wedding diaries, a full account of all the madness and chaos that I’m about to get into on the road to becoming Mrs. Lewis Jeter Jr.

Be blessed all.

The End of the World

The End of the World

“Some say the world will end in fire, and some say in ice.”

~Robert Frost ~

I know he was talking about relationships when he wrote this, but it also applies to the whole end of the world theory.  Ever since 2012 started all I hear is how the world is supposed to end and we all are supposed to suffer horrible fates.  Then I shake my head at the stupidity, because if people really knew the world was already going to hell in a hand basket.  I don’t understand why we have to set a date for mankind to completely lose its way, when it took a wrong turn years ago.  I don’t think that people really grasp how much our world has changed.

There was once a time that we were able to sleep in our homes and leave the doors unlocked. We knew absolutely everyone in our neighborhoods and never once had to question their integrity or intentions. We were trusting, we actually gave a damn, we cared about other people and we always wanted to help.  Way before alarm systems, pepper spray, and tasers became necessary precautions; we trusted easy.  Now we eye everyone with suspiciousness, always waiting for the other shoe to drop.  We see someone stuck on the side of the road and instead of stopping; we keep it moving, because we think know a set up when we see one.

People don’t care these days, why because caring could get you killed.  People have no fear.  They aren’t afraid to hurt you and they are not afraid to take your life.  The news proves that to us every day when we see some young mother going to jail for doing only God knows what to her kids, or kids killing their parents because they want to do what they want to do.  It makes no sense, when exactly did we take this wrong turn?

When did people stop caring, when did hello’s and good byes start becoming rhetorical phrases? When did the rapping become a money thing instead of an artistic form of expression? When did the first line of an album’s thanks you’s stop being “I’d like to thank the creator “to “I’d like to thank myself.”?  People kill me when they say that they got somewhere on their own when there is a higher power at work somewhere.  Stop claiming the “team of me” and focus on how it really is that you became this extraordinary.

When did the world come to an end?  Since the very beginning we’ve been crumbling in the tower of our existence. There is no expiration date on our demise.  There’s no rewind button or a switch that we can flick.  So the next time someone says that the world is coming to an end, ask them where the hell have they been this entire time, it's already here. 

Relationships: The Impact of Religious Beliefs

Relationships :  The Impact of Religious Beliefs

One of the biggest things that I see people tip toe around in relationships is religion.  There are a lot of inter racial couples out there and so many different types of religions;  but like in relationships religion is like the elephant in the room.  No one wants to talk about it; it’s a topic that no one wants to speak of, like Voldemort’s name.  People now days are scared of getting involved in a person’s religion, because with every religion there are different sets of rules and how do you know if you are breaking them.  People say that that it is better to find someone who shares the same religion, that it’s so much easier if you believe in the same things.  However, it does not always turn out that way.  Even if you do have someone that claims to have the same faith as you, but how the hell do you believe in anything when you can’t even embrace it in a place of worship?

Statistically speaking more than 90 percent of American men say that they believe in god, five out of six of those men call themselves Christians, out of that six only two really go to church on a Sunday, according to cbn.com/spirituallife.   Now, I’m not a prophet or someone of bible authority, but I would agree that you don’t really see a lot of couples that to do regularly attend church. One would say that men don’t like going because church just so happens to cut into Sunday football.  Maybe there is something more to it, something that we are all not seeing.  I believe in God and the bible, but as of lately I find myself not going to church on Sundays.  Part of it would be because I’m so tired and that I use Sundays as my day of rest.  An overly religious person would most likely have the rebuttal of “well God doesn’t get to take a day off on you, what makes you think that you deserve a day off?”   Truth be told, I don’t have a valid answer for that.  

On the relationship tip of it, the bible does encourage religion to be a huge factor in choosing someone to be with forever.  Back in the olden days when men used to court women, it was imperative that a man agree with the woman’s father in politics and her mother in religion. In today’s world religion is like a forgotten art to most people. One source claimed church as being a woman thing.  That to me sounds dumb.  If church is a woman thing, then having a job, paying bills and fixing cars are just a man’s thing, right? Wrong.  People kill me with that, after all women and men are suppose to be equals in every since of the word.  How does someone truly find that special someone if they don’t have a relationship with a higher power?  The average man accepts the reality of Jesus, but fails to see any value in attending church service every Sunday.  Tyler Perry paints a picture of the ideal man in all of his movies.  The woman in the movie is basically jilted and left to fend for herself, believing that there are no good men left out there.  Then out of the blue comes this tragic hero who embraces the reality of god and going to church and they live happily ever after.  But it’s the movies.  Life is not really painted out to be that way.

Then I guess the other question is what keeps a person from really trying to define their relationship with god?  Some people go to church to find someone.  Remember the movie “Two Can Play that Game”, starring Vivica Foxx and Morris Chestnut, which was basically a comical battle of the sexes.  There was a line that said that all the players go to church, why because all the freaks go to church.  He would be correct, because how many of us go to the club the night before and show up at church the next morning?  My point that I’m trying to make is that all relationships are built on some sort of foundation, if religion (any religion)is not a part of it, then what is it that you really believe in?  People need something to believe in. This is not a matter of if my god or your god is right, just the fact that if you and I both can acknowledge that there is a greater power at work in all aspects of our lives then that would be something for us to build on.  I myself could not love someone who didn’t believe in anything.  As we see that the numbers of people who have a firm grasp on religion are dwindling in a downward spiral it makes me wonder, what can we do to make sure that we bring religion or the concept of believing in something back into relationships?  It makes me sad to see lost people; if you don’t have your faith or beliefs in anything then I guess that pretty much makes you an incomplete person.   So the one thing I want you all to take into the New Year is to build a firm foundation with the person that you love.  Believe in something, anything; don’t let a person walk away from you just because you weren’t spiritually prepared.  Then again maybe we all need to try a little harder to work on us and what it is we really believe in.   Until next year.

~Peace Be With You ~

                                                                                    

Relationships & Money: The New Age Pride Prejudice

So I am wondering why is it that money makes things so complicated.  Back in the earlier days woman were married off to men who came from wealthy families, because they themselves were not in a station in life that would allow them or their parents to live comfortably.  It’s really sad that back then parents pimped their daughters out to the highest bidder not caring if love was really a part of the equation.  I had another epiphany while watching one of my favorite movies, Pride and Prejudice.  For those who never had the pleasure of reading one of the best literary works that Jane Austin ever pinned, allow me to summarize.  Enter the Bennett’s, a lower class family consisting of five daughters and a mother who was an exhibitionist when it came to making sure that her daughters were noticed by the right people.  Then on the other hand you have Mr. Bingley and Mr. Darcy who were rich beyond measure in both land and looks.  All those things caught Mrs. Bennett’s eye, because she wanted her daughters to be rescued from the obscurity and destitution into the comfort that the lap of luxury offers.  How does this fit into modern day romance you may ask?

 Well, one would argue that even in the shambles of today’s world that pimping yourself out to the highest bidder is still acceptable.  Now a day’s people unconventionally date for the love of money and not the person himself.  This is a trait that is commonly found in women, hence the term gold digger.  I’ve noticed a lot of woman my age and even younger are looking for men to take care of them, they couldn’t give a damn about the man’s name or the type of person he is.  Because as long as he looks good and has money then it’s all good right?  WRONG!!!   I have to say that the biggest pet peeve that I have right now with my gender is the fact that we have to rely on someone else to take care of us.  I hear these nonsensical females popping off at the mouth talking about

 “If a dude wanna pay my bills then he can pay my bills.”

If that’s not the most ignorant shit I’ve ever heard. My thing is no one seems  to see the bigger picture,  yeah you’re getting some cash to pay the bills but what would you have to do in the end for that , because let’s face it nothing in this world is free and always comes with a price that you may not  want to pay.  I’m tired of hearing all these women tell men to get their money up.  I wonder how in the hell are you gonna act like that and you don’t have two pennies to rub together your damn self?  It baffles me, what happened to the time when females were out there to make their own way.  I can only say that I know half a dozen real females out there that are about getting ahead and not using a man’s wallet to do it.

I knew this one girl who tried to talk to my brother, JT, and told him that she only dated dudes who only wear Gucci and Prada. I wish that I could see this girl and tell her to go sit the hell down somewhere.  Men don’t really want a woman that they have to take care of financially.  It isn’t a safe bet to just assume that a man will take care of you and bend over backwards, who really wants a man that bends over? This girl had the nerve to put her demands on the table about what kind of man she wants, but I find it funny that you want a rich man, and yet here you sit at Carolina Place mall filling out a job application.  If the girl that I am talking about is reading this then honey, my message to you: Stop trying to find a man to take care of you financially.  Men these days don’t just spend money on a girl without expecting something back in return.  Not to throw salt, but we have a name for women that take money but have to do things for it. Ho!!

  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that the money thing is a race based thing, because you don’t have to be just black or white to fit the bill for these types of woman (and I use the term loosely).  Women need to start being a little more proactive when it comes to making their own way.  Even though the guy that is paying for your way of life is not really complaining to you about your ways, you can bet your ass that he’s telling his boys how easy you are when you’re not in the room (which he is paying for).  Yes the role of a man is to provide for his woman (keyword provide not support).  A lot of these females out here have the game twisted.  Men want a woman who can hold a nine to five and bring home some money to.  It’s a turn on to a man to see a woman be independent, Mr. Foxx said it best: “I love her cause she got her own.”  If you don’t know, then you better ask somebody.

So, how did the Pride and Prejudice turn out in the end you ask? Well let’s just say that for you to know that you should watch it.  Another thing about people these days is that they don’t appreciate a good classic.  Darcy did have a lot of work to do to get over his prejudice that he had for Elizabeth because he realized that her circumstances, her inferior birth, and her embarrassing mother were things that she could not control nor should be counted against her.  If a guy saw a woman at least trying to make an effort in her life to reach her goals then he would love to be with her, because after all he wants is to be with someone that will keep him motivated when it comes to achieving his goals. Take some time to meditate on that food for thought and see if it doesn’t help change your life.

~Peace be with you ~

Original Lynn

Relationships: How to Deal with the Insecurities with Girlfriends and Friends

Yo and hello to my readers, I hope all of you have been enjoying the holidays and the extra pounds that accompany holiday food.   I’ve had an epiphany (for those not familiar, a reckoning, and manifestation).   I’ve sat here and thought long and hard about this blog that I work so hard on, I wonder if anybody really gets anything out of it?  The stuff that I write about is important to some decree.  It does not save lives but, I would think that people’s opinions are something to be thought on.  How do you try to make some noise with just one voice?  Well I’ve decided to go weekly now.  I’ll pick a topic for the month and there will be sub topics that way I can get the reading public that I believe that I so richly deserve.  And here we go…

Relationships:  How to Deal with the Insecurities with Girlfriends and Friends

I’m having this conversation with a lot of my friends.  It’s always.  “Why is she so jealous of my female friends?”   This one is for all of the guys out there that have a girlfriend who are currently having this problem.

Where should we start with this one?  Guys, since the beginning of time we woman have always secretly hated each other. We smile in each other’s face and call each other best friends, but at the same time,  when she leaves the room we call her a bitch and then hate on her because she has something we want.  Now I know a lot of women, present company included, will not admit to this.   A co worker of mine (a man) did say that the biggest difference between men and woman is that when it comes to competition, women are secretly competitive.  I agree with this statement, because after all, competition is a huge motivator.  It ignites something in you that makes you want to be at your best.  It’s not something that we get over easily.  It grows tenfold when a man is involved, because let’s face it, no one likes to be second best when the affections of a man is involved.

The insecurities that we have with men are so many.  We get intimidated by our men having these female friends.  Why, because it makes us wonder if when men have those secret fantasies (which they will never own up to) is that the girl that he sees in them?  I hang out with a lot of guys and when the girl friend is brought in there are usually daggers being thrown into the mix.  I was told that my friend’s girl told him that all of his female friends look like super models and that makes her crazy.   Now at the point of pissing this chick off further, if she is reading this I would say that she needs to really get over herself.  You telling a grown ass man that he can’t have friends of the opposite sex is crazy.  That goes the same for the men out there, because let’s be honest, insecurities are not gender specific.  There are some men out there that flip the fuck out if they see a dude’s name come across their girl’s phone.  Telling someone that they can’t be friends with someone else is basically calling the relationship quits.  

  My advice to the jealous female would be step your game up, as I said earlier competition is a huge motivator. There is a reason that he hangs out with these woman, not because he secretly wants them, but because they understand him on a whole other level that you have yet to comprehend.  My advise to my friend would be, if she is worth it and you really love her go ahead and play the fool, because I’m willing to bet that she probably has some guy friends  that may not be known to you, but they are there.  This is a touchy subject in relationships, a test of the wills I call it.   Either you will let you significant other run your life and tell you what you can and can’t do, or you will put your foot down.

In my relationship, I don’t care if L has women friends.  Yeah I want to meet them, and if they are better at something than me it would make me want to step my game up. Then again, L and I have been together for almost 5 years and we still do talk about everything including our friends.  I hang around a lot of guys, and I go out with them sometimes to movies and to dinner.  How did I get past that step you may ask? By making them understand that the friends you know aren’t that bad, invite them to hang out with the group. Then at least you can say that you tried to make her a part of your world.  Now this might not work all of the time, because let’s face it, a lot of people who aren’t really in the art industry may not really feel welcomed in our circle. It will just piss them off even more that you have a group of people that are into the same things as you. All you can do is try to educate them on why your art is so important to you. L is not a writer but we compromise, he reads what I write and accompanies me to any artsy thing I want to go to.  I in turn listen to him talk about his computers and electronics, also letting him teach me things that I might need to know about technology period.  A relationship can be built when two people are completely different; it’s all about how hard are you willing to try to be with that other person.

I know that I may appear to be rambling on and some of you have lost the point, but it’s in there somewhere.  So try to understand one another and who knows maybe you’ll have what we call soul mate material. If you really have to change who you are in the end just because your significant other has a problem with your friends, then I would have to say shame on you for punking out and  not sticking to your guns.  If you’re still turning this whole scenario over in your mind wondering which road to take, then consult your friends.  After all, who really knows you better than your friends?  If they are real friends they will take into consideration all aspects including your happiness.

I suppose that is all for now until next time.

~Original Lynn~

Will The Real Lynn Allen Please Stand Up: November 2011

Will The Real Lynn Allen Please Stand Up: November 2011

So I’m going to skip past all of the sun salutations for this one.  I want to get right to the point.  Lately everything dials down to relationships.  The thing about relationships is that they come and go, people that you thought would be with you your whole life vanish in an instant.  I was talking to my brother today and he told me that he was done with relationships, that it was the one thing in life that would make him different than our father, well different and better.  There’s this tiny part of me that almost wanted to laugh in his face, because anyone who knows me and knows all the stories about my father would know that is not a perfect person and his biggest flaw wasn’t his relationships with people.  It was trying to find a reason to trust people.   If my father had not had the relationships that he had then his children would not be here and he counts us as one the greatest achievements.  I think that my brother is lost in his own way.  It is a lonely existence to go through life without anyone, people need compassion. I guess a part of me feels sorry for him, because I don’t think that he really gets it.  To him everything is all about being better than our father.  My father is no saint, but when I hear people talk bad about him there is a part of me that makes me want to rip someone’s head off literally.    It’s a natural part of life to want to be loved and to want to share a part of who you really are with that special someone. So if these words do pass my brother’s eyes, I would say to be too quick to give up.  Great relationships have been built on so much less than the fears of turning out like your father.  Having someone’s blood running through your veins does not mean that you will be like them.

Another thing that I would like to say is if you are in a relationship and you don’t want that person anymore, don’t be so cruel as to throw someone else under  the bus just b/c you are to afraid to tell that person that you don’t want them anymore.  Grow a set and speak your mind.  Some people just aren’t meant to be, and if you spend the rest of your life cowering in a corner then I guess you deserve every bit of misery that comes your way.  I walk around and ask people how long they have been married and then when I ask them if they had everything to go back and do over all I hear is silence of the lambs.  Because deep down you know that there is something that you would want to change.  Maybe love is just a cruel trick that gets played on us all and we keep falling into it’s web because we don’t know any better and loneliness really is a huge tragedy that we all try to hide from.  I'm tred of people coming with this craziness for their "relationship". People throw that word around like it's so casual.  And maybe that is what's wrong, people are casual with  each other and they always say that the are not open to the possibility of love.  the real reason is that these people are really scared to feel anything at all, because all you are is numb and incapable of feeling anything.

Maybe all of my ramblings aren’t making since, maybe my brother JT will make it sound better with his opinion.

IS THERE A SUCH THING AS A SIMPLE RELATIONSHIP

I know people are reading this title and may be thinking John aka JT must be lazy in his relationships and

trust me that is not the case. I have really been thinking about this because I have been listening to

others relationship issues, thinking of my past relationships, as well as what I’m going through now. I

have been through the long distance relationships, those long term relationships the never surfaced,

and been in those crazy situations when you meet someone and the timing was wrong but you can see

yourself with that person for the rest of your life. Hell I even decided to be lonely because I felt like I

kept meeting the wrong people. Have you ever known a relationship that was as simple as meeting

someone, dating, moving in together, and then getting married? Is it possible to be that easy? Now I’m

not saying that being in a committed relationship doesn’t have its bumps, I just mean without such

strenuous things happening. What do men and women have to do to make that happen. Let me bring

you into my life for a minute. I have been in a relationship where my partner always thought because I

treated her well and with respect that I was running game. I mean damn, am I suppose to treat you like

shit for you to feel a brother. I met this one girl and from the start we hit it off. Agreed on so much and

had gone through some of the same things and we both wanted the same things, sounds like we were

on our way to the simple relationship path doesn’t it. As much as we had in common, she still had

strong feeling for her ex and she was moving back home soon and there was no way we could take any

steps further. Not to mention our career goals would not enable us to see each other either. Now when

I say she was moving back home, don’t think across town, I mean across the country. I’m not one to

front, it felt like I was being restricted from a love I knew I deserved. I know some of my closest friends

are probably reading this and may be shocked that I can be affected by a female but I’m not immune.

Now we both knew how it would play out so we remained friends, but it just makes you think. Does it

always have to be that way? Those who are reading this, do you feel that you settled in the relationship

you are in? When is it right to think about yourself and what you want in life without being criticized or

selfish? I know I am asking a lot of question in this portion of the blog, but these questions are very

important. As lonely as you may be, you should wait for the person who is meant for you because as

soon as don’t, you will meet the person you should be with. I have gone through so many downs, with

very limited ups that you would think that I would have just given up by now. I know I go through times

of depression as others do, but better believe I will persevere for what I want in life. Writing about my

life and putting it out to the world is not what I’m used to doing. I believe I needed to get some things

out like I used to when I recorded music. By writing this I want everyone to really talk to their mates and

get everything in the open because that conversation may be what propels you into that happiness that

you both have wished for. As well I want everyone reading this to think about what you want in your

relationship. People don’t think that I am not doing the same thing.